August

August

August 17, 2018

I use to date this guy who use to tell me that he really enjoyed August. He told me it was because it was hot during the day but cool at night...keep in mind he didn't have air conditioning. I use to think he was crazy, being the summer gal that I am I couldn’t fathom anyone liking the Fall/Winter months more than Summer. To be honest, I still prefer summer and love the hot weather. Don’t get me wrong I also enjoy the cool evenings but it makes me sad. The reason I get sad is because I know that soon enough we will be forced to bundle up in our cold and harsh winter months.There will be snow on the ground before we know it, we will be stuck in our homes as the temperatures will be unbearable and not enjoyable…let’s face it no one likes to go out when it’s cold.

What I will be looking forward to is the pumpkin spice EVERYTHING. Being able to decorate the house and get it ready for Fall as well as Halloween with my boys. I will also be looking forward to Christmas and getting those trees  up and decorated…what I won’t be looking forward to is continually telling my kids “no, don’t touch the ornaments”. I guess I have to do it some time, I might as well get a start on it. Then there is the looooooooong January, this is something no one looks forward to.

So as you can see, I am not a huge fan of August as this means that the hot weather that we all enjoy is coming to an end. The flowers that we planted in late May/early June will be dying off and I’ll have to clean out the flower pots. Any yard work that I put off during the summer will have to get finished off or put off until next summer. Then there is putting away anything that might break over the winter, anything that will fade or get damaged by the snow and winter sun. I feel as though I’m not only packing away a season but that I’m putting everything on hold until next year.

I cram everything into the shed and garage looking forward to when I can pull it all out again, I feel like our summers could be longer and our winter’s could be shorter…is this too much to ask? I know I’m just bitching and there is plenty to be happy about during the Fall and Winter months but tell me again why I should like August?

Art really does imitate life

                            Art really does imitate life

I watched a show today and was thrown for a complete loop as there was a scene in there where a woman goes to visit an elderly woman in a health care facility. I was immediately transported back to when I use to go and visit my mom everyday. I swear that could've been me walking in to see that woman. I would go to feed her supper everyday as she had limited mobility of her hands and had a hard time with it.

I saw this scene and immediately started to cry, I wasn't able to control the crying let alone know what the heck was going on in the show. It was a scene that I had lived for so many years and to see it on TV really just surprised me. 

I thought of my mom, and how much I miss her...still. How I feel like sometimes I am not able to remember all the details of our time together. I know that the good memories for sure stick out in my mind. But some of the bad details I've pushed aside or simply forgotten. I know that my life has me running from pillar to post and it's all I can do to keep up with it. But I don't ever want to forget those times, those memories...good or bad. Those are the things that help me get through the times when I'm really missing my mom. When she use to laugh or when she use to cry...they're all memories of my mama. 

Looking back on things, I'm like the typical person who always thinks "could I have done more"? I really don't know that I could've done more, it's taken me many years to get closer to this conclusion. I did my best at the time and I did what I could...I know she was grateful for that and for the time we spent together in her final years. 

They were trying at times and definitely not for the weak. I think it made me a stronger person and also helped to instill certain things in me that most people my age don't do. It helped me to cherish ALL the time and moments that I have with my kids and to just always do the right thing. I want them to be good people like my mom was and like I am. Of course I know they'll falter but I know that they're going to be good people...that is something they are going to get from my mom.

Returning to Normal??

Returning to Normal??

July 19, 2018

Today we put the TV back into it’s usual spot in the bonus room, we had moved it as a precautionary measure so that it could block the half wall that we have in that room. There use to be a chair in front if it and the boys liked to climb on the chair and look over the railing…hence us moving the TV there. That chair has been there for almost 2 years and to be honest it always looked out of place, the Feng shui seemed wrong.

But today we got to move it back into it’s normal place in that room and I looked around and thought to myself ‘it’s nice to be getting back to normal’. Now don’t get me wrong I understand that I will be going back to my old “normal” as I don’t care to go back there but also I will more than likely have a “new normal” with these two monsters.

What I mean by ‘getting back to normal’ is that things are starting to go back to where they were before we had the babes. The counters were cluttered with a bottle sterilizer, baby brezza (if you don’t know what this is, get one!), bottle dryer, bottles, medicine, thermometers, TV’s in places they shouldn’t have been, missing tables so babies don’t knock their eyes out…you get the picture.

I have slowly in time gotten rid of things off the counters so that they are less cluttered as well as put some things back and in some cases I’ve left the item(s) I put away in storage as I know they’re not ready to have mommy’s breakable candles out yet. Either way though, I am making progress in the right direction of returning things to their rightful place. This makes me happy as not only can I bring things back out but I can also see the changes and growing that’s happening in my babes.

They’re getting so big but they’re at a fun stage right now, I can reason with them, the listen to me and they can comprehend the things I say to them. This allows me to put things back in their place and to know that they aren’t going to touch them. This makes me happy on one hand and sad on the other. My babes are super smart and get this whole growing up things but on the flip side of that, they’re growing up too quickly.

I know that things in my life will never go back to what my ‘old normal’ was but that’s ok as I know my ‘new normal’ will be more fun and exciting. I know that there will be some compromises and possibly some broken hearts (I suspect mine) but I know in time it won’t always be like this. Putting things back to where they were before the babes were born will be the least of my concerns…they’ll be going to college and then I’ll be missing them. But for now, I like the feeling that I’m getting as my babes get older. It gives me hope that yes, things do get easier and it’s not always going to be so hard. Whatever my new normal is, I can’t wait to see where it takes me and my little family that I love so dearly.

Sharing a bit of my past with my kids

Sharing a bit of my past with my kids

June 18, 2018

Today we were heading out on a road trip and realized we didn’t have a DVD to play for the boys. Why they needed to watch a DVD is beyond me, but to have a quiet road trip I just agreed and grabbed a brand new in the plastic wrap DVD I had purchased from Wal-Mart for $5.

I had forgotten that I grabbed that DVD last summer but I was excited to get it open and into the DVD player. The reason I was excited was because it was the Smurfs…the O.G. Smurfs from the 80’s. I had grown up on this cartoon, every Saturday morning I would wait for it to come on one in the Saturday morning line up. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that it was a fan favourite in the line up.

Once I heard the opening credits and then the theme song, I couldn’t help but sing along. I wasn’t sure how my babes were going to respond to it but low and behold, they got into it. I saw their eyes follow the movements and hear them say ‘Gargamel’. LOL. Even typing that makes me laugh, as they know who he is.

We have since left the DVD in the player and every time we get into the truck, I get asked “Murfs Mommy Pease”. It is honestly the cutest thing. I love that they love them as much as I did. Since we’ve put the DVD in, they’ve been carrying around the case and ensuring that we know who they ‘Murfs’ are. LOL. It is just the cutest thing ever.

I never in a million years thought that I would be able to share my love of the Smurfs with my kids as I thought they might think it’s too old. I have since bought the Scooby Doo and Flintstones series. I sure hope they like those as well but I guess time will tell. For now, I am enjoying watching these old episodes with my boys and remembering how much I liked to watch them and remembering those fond memories of watching the series in it’s prime with my brother and sister eating our cereal laying on the floor in front of the TV. Doesn’t that just take you back to the good old days, when life was simple and the biggest care in the world was what was on TV?

I love that I can share this with my kids, I can’t wait to share more things with them and see if they get as much joy out of them as I did. Who knew having kids could be so much fun?

First year back to work as a mom

First year back to work as a mom, how did that go for you?

May 1, 2018

                 A year ago today I was eager to arrive and get some "normalcy" back into my life. How is it a year has come and gone already? Well funny you should ask, I will have to say that most of my time is devoted to keeping my children alive and the other 10% of my day is left for work (full time), cooking, cleaning and basically making sure the house doesn't collapse on us.

Holy hell was I naive to think that working full time and raising twin boys wouldn't be "that much harder than before". I had the idea that the boys might actually  get on a schedule, ha ha. They might sleep through the night, LOL. Or possibly stay healthy and you know, ease their way through every new challenge we would face together...bahahahahaha. I know, even saying it now makes me laugh...all those other  moms of multiple children (twins or not) are rolling on the floor laughing at me. 

Don't get me wrong, I knew there would be challenges but my oh my was there a lot thrown my way my first year back to work. Not only did I have to deal with the scheduling and organizing...which still seems like a mess. I also got to deal with illnesses and teething, these two things were the bulk of my time. I have one little guy who had 12 teeth by the time he was 9 months old...and the fevers that came with them were fierce. When he was 1 he had almost all 20 teeth, which seems like a lot to me...but I guess it happens. 

I missed a lot of work to stay home with my kids, which wasn't terrible but it made for a lot of sleepless nights and long days. I couldn't seem to get myself back into a routine as it would be changed within a week or two and it started to just get annoying. I was scared to make plans with anyone to do anything as I knew if I said it out loud, my plans would quickly be broken. I was honestly starting to feel overwhelmed and I wondered how in the world other people do it. 

I knew that people have been doing it for years and years and will continue to do it for years and years. It was like I discovered a whole different group of people who were sleep deprived, couldn't make sense of anything and were basically walking zombies. I mean don't get me wrong, I knew kids tired you out and took up a lot of your time. I guess I just thought once they got over the eating every three hours stage, they would sleep through the night without any issues. They would adhere and fall into the schedule at hand, instead of making you  fall into line with their schedule. I know, I must've been living under a rock or something to think I had some control over anything. I think that was my optimism shining through as a first time mom. I was hoping things would be a little smoother for me as I was blessed with two babies at once. 

For the most part things are good and straightforward, I honestly can't complain. I mean there are so many other children out there suffering with terminal illnesses, mental health issues and also disabilities. I honestly do thank the good lord for giving me healthy, smart and well rounded children. I guess sometimes I give myself a false sense that things won't get as affected by the babes as they have been. I don't know why as I have two siblings and I babysat my entire life, so I know what kids come with. 

I guess for so long in my life I wasn't affected by anyone's schedule but my own...and my mom's when I was taking care of her. But again I was able to escape back home once I took care of her needs. I could curl up on the sofa and just sleep away my worries or cares, now I'm lucky if I get a solid 6 hours. Again just something new to me and I guess it's just me who is adjusting...

Despite my whining, I wouldn't trade it for the world. For the most part, we are over the 40 degree fevers that would last 4 days. The boys are sleeping through the night, for the most part. I get the odd wake up at 5 AM but that isn't too far off from the time I get up. They've been feeding themselves for quite some time now. They help clean up after we make a mess playing, they talk and comprehend things that we are telling them. They are both smart as a whip and they're just the cutest little things you will ever see. 

Have I gotten back into a schedule or a routine with them, no. Have I figured out the secret to making it all work as a working mother, no. Am I getting enough sleep, no. Am I getting enough done at work, no. But these are all things that I can continue to work on and I know one day, things won't be so hard. I know that one day, they're going to grow up and not need me as much. I know until that time comes, I will continue to grin and bear it and will enjoy the time we have together as they honestly are growing so fast. 

So to answer the question, how did my first year back to work as a mom go? Well, let's just say it's a work in progress. 

Digital Diet

Digital Diet

April 30, 2018

I read an article in an old issue of Cosmo, yes I know a very 'reliable' source. However the article was about this one writer deciding to go on a 'digital diet'. What is a digital diet you ask...well apparently it is when one decides to take time away from social media and "being present". 

Really?!?! So doing what we've always done in the past now has a term associated with it? I mean c'mon people this is just something we have been doing for decades, we have been engaging in (wait for it)...Human Contact. 

Oh Em Gee!! How is this something new? Why is this a trend? Don't get me wrong I'm all about 'being present', having conversations IRL (in real life) and face to face time. I, and many generations before me are all about that. Don't get me wrong we haven't outright refused to  use technology, in fact we have embraced it and use it to our advantage. But to have to say that "I'm taking a digital diet" is absolutely absurd. 

This is what scares me the most about these younger generations...to us this is just common sense. I suspect and have for awhile that common sense isn't so common. I know that there has been a lot of talks about having a 'societal correction' for these helicopter kids who have zero skills but really to proclaim it as if it's a thing...it's not. 

Just put down your damn phone and pay attention, maybe that's part of the problem that should be addressed. Not being able to focus too long on anything but social media and mobile devices. Pay attention.

Anyhow I don't know if you will also find this as absurd as I did but here is a picture (not as clear as it could've been) of the article and you can zoom in and shake your head too.

Up, up, up, there's no where but up from here

Up, up, up, there’s no where but up from here

April 2, 2018

I was listening to the radio today when Shania Twain’s hit song ‘Up!’ started to play, I immediately turned up the volume and started to sing along. As I sung along, I started to actually listen to the words a little closer. It struck me as odd as I knew the words and distinctly remember playing this song over and over and over again in 2004.

It was my second serious relationship and I had ended it. I was completely heartbroken and sad but something deep inside of me kept playing this song over and over and over again. Each and every single time I got into the car, I would hit play and repeat on this one song. I bet if I were to look at this CD, there would be a very deep groove where this one song is located on it.

It seems weird as I don’t know what kept me playing this song but my grief, it was as though I was reciting this to myself as a mantra…if I said it enough times I would believe it. Weird how the brain works?

I knew my heart was broken into a million little pieces and the only way I knew how to get back on my feet was to keep telling myself that it would eventually get better. Apparently I did that repeatedly without actually knowing it. Don’t get me wrong I know every single word to this song and can recite it to anyone…but at the time I was just singing it and saying it not actually comprehending it, until now 14 years later. Wow!

This song helped me to get to where I am today. It helped me to build myself back up when I didn’t know if I could. It helped me to believe in myself, love and life again.

I still enjoy hearing this song and will always hit repeat on it when I get the chance. Not sure if it’s out of habit or out of love. Either way it helped to heal my broken heart and I suspect many others out there too.