Making New Friends As We Age

Recently at dinner with girlfriends discussing the trials and tribulations of life, we stumbled upon a topic that happens to be near and dear to my heart...making new friends as we age, why is it so hard?

Why is it as we get older, we very seldom make new friends? Initially this topic struck me as odd, because I continually join new things and meet new people all the time. But they are not my lifelong friends with bonds that take a life time to build. And then it dawned on me, that these new people that I meet are teammates, colleagues, summer acquaintances, not true blue friends. So why is that?

I know that time is a major player in this. We just don't have the time. We can hardly make the time to socialize with the people we do know, how would we fit in the time for someone we hardly know?

I've also noticed with the older crowd, they plain and simple don't want any more friends. I don't know if those words will ever leave my mouth because I love meeting new people and learning all about them. I think I'm secretly dreaming about having a 'G-rated, after school special' ending. Sadly I've never had a "Very Best Friend" since childhood. I moved a lot, making it almost impossible to keep in touch with people. I was too young to understand the meaning of BFF's.

But as I've aged, I've been able to (with the help of Facebook) rekindle old friendships. But I've also realized that we need all kinds of friends for different reasons. We need a friend who will always be our shoulder to cry on. We need a friend that always makes us laugh. We need a friend who makes us courageous, a friend who will tell us the truth when we need to hear it. A friend who we look up to, a friend who brings out the best in us, a friend who when you look at her will know exactly what you're thinking, a friend who we adore, a friend who would do anything for us, a friend who is patient, kind, understanding and most of all integral. After reading this list, I now know why it is so hard to make new friends as we age...our demands are too high. (kidding)

Despite that I will continue to make new friends, acquaintances, whatever you want to call them because in the end, I'll just call them new found friends.

Generation Why??

I recently finished taking another part time course and was eerily reminded of the last course I took. Both instructors advised us that as a society we should all learn about the 'Gen Y'. That our world is changing and that we'd better change with it. It was odd how both instructors mentioned this even though neither course has anything to do with the other.

Don't get me wrong, I think there is merit to this advice, but I think that there is a very large learning curve being missed here. It's great that we "other generations" are learning about the 'Gen Y's', but what about them? Don't you think that it is important for them to learn about all the other generations out there? I asked this very same question in both classes and was surprised to hear that it's not as important for them to learn about us as it is for us to learn about them. That "this is the way the world is going". I understand that we all hop on the "Way the World is Going" bandwagon. But in order to move forward, don't we need to know where we're coming from?

These kids are our futures; they will be the ones who will be making all the tough decisions in this world, the ones who will be shaping the world that we live in. And honestly from what I've seen so far, I'm not sure they know what they're doing...

I'm a 'Gen-Xer', the supposed bridge between the 'Baby Boomers' and the 'Gen Y's'. I've seen the old and I've seen the new...I can't really say I'm all that thrilled about the new. It's odd because I am on the cusp of being a 'Gen Y'; but I can relate more to the 'Baby Boomers'. I can't for the life of me figure out how these kids (who will be driving the market) have no respect for anyone. It's like it's instilled into them, they have no initiative, no purpose. They always need to be near an electronic device at all times. They text message each other while they're in the same room...I think communicating is too much work. I honestly can't put all the blame on them, they were raised that way. Their parents had to work for everything they got and decided that their children would never have to work as hard as they did; inevitably creating lazy, entitled and socially stunted kids.

Don't get me wrong, these 'little brats' have also done good things too. They've brought balance back to our lives, something we all need. They also upped the ante in the education department. They are smart kids when they want to be. They are also forward thinkers, enabling us to solve problems and come up with new ideas faster than in the past. But they still need to know where they are coming from before they can move ahead. They need to learn from all the mistakes that previous generations made, so that they don't make the same ones. This will give them a sense of accomplishment and self-worth.

There is so much potential here for these kids, I really hope they take the time to learn about generations past so that we aren't asking ourselves down the road...Generation Why???

Losing a Friend

To my dismay a few days ago I received an email from a friend ending our friendship. We had been friends for 10 years and met through an ex-boyfriend. The first time I met Amy we didn't exactly hit it off, but as time went on we soon discovered that we shared a lot of common interests. We eventually started hanging out every weekend and talking on the phone every night, discussing how we were going to beat the boys at cards. Every Friday and Saturday night we would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning laughing the night away.

As time went on we drifted a little but still managed to keep in touch and get together as often as we could. But then something changed, I was no longer dating her husband's lifelong friend and the wedge between us grew. We both made feeble attempts at keeping the friendship alive, but we both knew in our hearts this wasn't going to last.

Sadly it was a very small misunderstanding that broke us apart. But it was reason enough for her to decide to end it. Reading her letter brought me to tears, just knowing that she wasn't going to be in my life anymore made me want to cry even more. I've never cried before when a friendship has ended. I don't know how to explain it but there was a very special (unspoken) bond with Amy that I've never had with anyone before. I don't know if I will ever be able to have that again with a friend...

It makes me sad every time I think about her not being just a phone call away. I have tried reaching out to her but have gotten no response. I have no choice but to respect her wishes and move on...without her.

I know that I can't go back in time, but maybe, just maybe in the future our paths will be intertwined again. For now I wish her nothing but happiness; and hopefully this will only be a "So long for now my dear dear friend Amy". 

Small Town Living

Who would've imagined that I'd be back living in a small town again? As a teen I was forced to move from the hustle & bustle of a large city; to a small quaint town...population 2400. The change was enormous, not only did people dress differently, they acted differently. For a "city girl" like me the change was astounding. I couldn't believe the closest mall was a mere hour and a half away. I didn't know that town basically shut down at 6PM, except for the token gas station...it was open until 9. I was forced to live somewhere I felt trapped and limited at a time in my life when all I wanted to do was break all the limits and be free. So you can understand the skewed view I had as a teenager of living in a small town.

As time has gone by, I am once again living in a small town. I've come to appreciate all the benefits of living in a small town. All those things that I saw as hindrances growing up I now enjoy. For example, I don't have to wait in a giant line up to buy anything. When we go out for dinner, we are seated immediately and the fact that the pharmacist knows my name and will help me when I have a question. Knowing that I can go to the grocery store and they will have exactly what I am looking for. That I can go to the butcher and he'll give me free bones to take home to my dogs. Also being involved in all of the community events, and knowing that we are all working towards making our town a better place to live. I love that random people will chat with us about anything. I love that we can ask for directions and learn something new about this place. It's just such a great feeling living in a small town. I now come to see why people do it.

Now that I am older and hopefully a little wiser I can see all the benefits there are to see about living in a small town.

Happily Ever

I had a friend tell me once that she and her husband don't live together. I was horrified at this statement as it so nonchalantly rolled out of her mouth. I couldn't believe how casually she felt about their living arrangements. I couldn't for the life of me wrap my head around it...and then I moved in with my significant other. And completely understood why they live apart. Please don't misunderstand what I am saying here, I am just saying that I now understand why my friend and her husband live apart.

I find it ironic how as we grow up all we want to do is find that someone special, move in together and live happily ever after. The part that "they" (being the ever knowing gods) fail to mention is that before 'happily ever after' happens, there is the "adjustment" period. All women out there reading this know exactly what I am talking about. The toilet seat that use to always be down, winds up never touching porcelain again. That stash of chocolate that you use to keep in your fridge is never there when you need it. It seems as though you now have a fraternity of boys living in your house. Everything that use to be nice in your home is either broken or now contains something that looks like cheese. Is it a huge adjustment? You bet your ass it is. Is it going to get better? In time I believe it will.

It's these particular times that I long for my 1000 sq. ft. condo. When I would put something down (like the toilet seat) and miraculously it would still be down the next time I used it. But then I am shaken back to reality and realize that there are some good things about my new living arrangements. Like the fact that we see each other every night. We get to discuss the events of our day over a home cooked meal; sitting out on the deck enjoying each other’s company. We get to laugh at the same silly things the dogs do, it's all these things and more that make living together worth it.

I don't know how other couples have dealt with this, but we're both trying to make more of an effort to be less demanding and more conscience. For those of you who know us both, you will know which characteristic each of us is working on. Has it been successful, partially yes. We still have a long way to go but hopefully in time this "adjustment" period will be over so we can enjoy our 'Happily Ever After'.

We Found it!

We found it, after months of searching and the debacle of the last house…we finally found it. Our very own dream (for now) home, we had given up on looking for about 3-4 months. After our dreams had been shattered we were forced to pick up the pieces and start over again. It actually happened by chance, my significant other and I had been out looking at the small town of where we were hoping to buy a home looking at the show homes and came across a builder that we had never heard of before. We were greeted by a very nice older woman, who reminded us of our grandmothers. She was so nice, patient and sincere, we were wondering how she got into this business. We asked the dumb question of “Do you have any homes with a 2-4 month possession?” Luckily enough she was kind enough to take us to see a few “spec” homes that were in the process of being built. The first one backed onto a nice pathway, which was nice however the house was a little small. The second one was just a plain ‘No’ and the last one seemed to fit almost all of our criteria. It was a two storey home, with a larger lot, nice exposure, good open layout and plenty of room to grow. We were excited about a house...finally.

The next step was to put an offer in, with it being a new house we were very limited in the time we had as there were some changes that we wanted to make, for example we didn’t want white walls and maple hardwood throughout the whole main floor. With time being a factor we were in touch with the builder ASAP. To our dismay they rejected our first offer but eventually we were able to come to an agreement and within days the house was ours.

The feeling of excitement that was flowing through our bodies was amazing, we finally found our house. I can't explain to you in words how excited we both were, now the only thing standing in our way was to sell my condo. With the housing crash in full swing I must admit I was a little worried that we might be sitting on it longer than anticipated. I think the real estate gods happened to be looking down on us as my condo sold in 4 days...yes I said 4 days! Now my only worry is that "technically" I will be homeless for 2 weeks. The possession time between the sale of one place and possession of another is 2 weeks. I'm really not too worried about that, I'll find a place to crash for two weeks until I can get into my dream home.

It's weird how things work out when we least expect it to, we weren't sure if we were going to be able to find a house (at a reasonable price), sell my condo for a heft sum and FINALLY get to move in together. But it all worked out in the end...now to find out how us living together will work...

Marty

It was 5 years ago yesterday that my cousin Martinique died in a tragic car accident. I remember it like it was yesterday...

It was a Sunday morning and I awoke crying shortly after 7AM; I woke up my significant other (at the time) and said something is wrong. He consoled me and I went back to sleep, thinking that I had just had a nightmare. I still remember it as if it just happened...In my dream I was standing beside my sister crying, at first I thought something had happened to my brother but shortly after that he came up to us and put his arms around us both as we continued to cry...and then I woke up sobbing in my sleep. There are very few people who know this except for my mom and a few selected family members.

After waking up for the day, I called my mom to chat as we normally do every weekend. I told her about my dream and how I was worried about "The Kids". Meaning my brother and sister; but they were fine so I continued about my day. As the day went on all I could think about was my dream, I talked to my significant other (at the time) and we didn't think anything too strangely of it, until bedtime arrived and I got the phone call about Marty missing and possibly being in a car accident.

My first immediate thought was of my dream and then I was hoping and praying that it wasn't about her...phone call after phone call to everyone that she knows uncovered nothing. It wasn't until early Monday morning that it was confirmed that she had passed away in a car accident. I got the phone call and remember thinking if I don't get out of bed, then it can't be true. Sadly it was on the news and in the papers, there was just no escaping it and finally on Tuesday morning I made my way over to my Aunt's to help with the funeral arrangements...

To this day, it still brings tears to my eyes to think that her life was taken so tragically and that I hoped she had experienced everything that she wanted to. But I still think back to my dream that morning and after discussing it with my mom, we came to the conclusion that she came to say goodbye. After many years of missing her it dawned on me that in my dream my brother was standing between my sister and I and I happened to look at a photo that is still hanging on my fridge and there in that little photograph at Marty's funeral is the pose that was in my dream. Coincidence?? I don't know??

I don't dream of her too often, but on Sunday night I dreamt of her again. It was August 10th, five years ago...we had buried her and then like magic she showed up, out of the blue. I asked her where she had been and that everyone thought she was dead. She just laughed her little girl laugh and said "I was never really gone". I showed her the headstone and the articles and that she had to notify everyone immediately; again she just laughed and said she would. After waking up I once again called my mom to tell her about my dream and it was a pleasant thought that she was coming to visit me to let me know that she isn't really gone, but instead is always with us...

Every time I hear the song ‘Beautiful’ by Christina Aguilera, I think of her...when it first came out she called me and told me to listen to this song. I told her I would but in true ‘Marty’ fashion she held the phone up to the speaker for the whole song so I could listen to it. She was just so funny that way. I still miss her, I miss her little girl laugh, I miss her smiling face. I know she's in a better place but there are times that I still wish she were here to call me and make me listen to another song that she likes over the phone...