Losing a Friend

To my dismay a few days ago I received an email from a friend ending our friendship. We had been friends for 10 years and met through an ex-boyfriend. The first time I met Amy we didn't exactly hit it off, but as time went on we soon discovered that we shared a lot of common interests. We eventually started hanging out every weekend and talking on the phone every night, discussing how we were going to beat the boys at cards. Every Friday and Saturday night we would stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning laughing the night away.

As time went on we drifted a little but still managed to keep in touch and get together as often as we could. But then something changed, I was no longer dating her husband's lifelong friend and the wedge between us grew. We both made feeble attempts at keeping the friendship alive, but we both knew in our hearts this wasn't going to last.

Sadly it was a very small misunderstanding that broke us apart. But it was reason enough for her to decide to end it. Reading her letter brought me to tears, just knowing that she wasn't going to be in my life anymore made me want to cry even more. I've never cried before when a friendship has ended. I don't know how to explain it but there was a very special (unspoken) bond with Amy that I've never had with anyone before. I don't know if I will ever be able to have that again with a friend...

It makes me sad every time I think about her not being just a phone call away. I have tried reaching out to her but have gotten no response. I have no choice but to respect her wishes and move on...without her.

I know that I can't go back in time, but maybe, just maybe in the future our paths will be intertwined again. For now I wish her nothing but happiness; and hopefully this will only be a "So long for now my dear dear friend Amy". 

Small Town Living

Who would've imagined that I'd be back living in a small town again? As a teen I was forced to move from the hustle & bustle of a large city; to a small quaint town...population 2400. The change was enormous, not only did people dress differently, they acted differently. For a "city girl" like me the change was astounding. I couldn't believe the closest mall was a mere hour and a half away. I didn't know that town basically shut down at 6PM, except for the token gas station...it was open until 9. I was forced to live somewhere I felt trapped and limited at a time in my life when all I wanted to do was break all the limits and be free. So you can understand the skewed view I had as a teenager of living in a small town.

As time has gone by, I am once again living in a small town. I've come to appreciate all the benefits of living in a small town. All those things that I saw as hindrances growing up I now enjoy. For example, I don't have to wait in a giant line up to buy anything. When we go out for dinner, we are seated immediately and the fact that the pharmacist knows my name and will help me when I have a question. Knowing that I can go to the grocery store and they will have exactly what I am looking for. That I can go to the butcher and he'll give me free bones to take home to my dogs. Also being involved in all of the community events, and knowing that we are all working towards making our town a better place to live. I love that random people will chat with us about anything. I love that we can ask for directions and learn something new about this place. It's just such a great feeling living in a small town. I now come to see why people do it.

Now that I am older and hopefully a little wiser I can see all the benefits there are to see about living in a small town.

Happily Ever

I had a friend tell me once that she and her husband don't live together. I was horrified at this statement as it so nonchalantly rolled out of her mouth. I couldn't believe how casually she felt about their living arrangements. I couldn't for the life of me wrap my head around it...and then I moved in with my significant other. And completely understood why they live apart. Please don't misunderstand what I am saying here, I am just saying that I now understand why my friend and her husband live apart.

I find it ironic how as we grow up all we want to do is find that someone special, move in together and live happily ever after. The part that "they" (being the ever knowing gods) fail to mention is that before 'happily ever after' happens, there is the "adjustment" period. All women out there reading this know exactly what I am talking about. The toilet seat that use to always be down, winds up never touching porcelain again. That stash of chocolate that you use to keep in your fridge is never there when you need it. It seems as though you now have a fraternity of boys living in your house. Everything that use to be nice in your home is either broken or now contains something that looks like cheese. Is it a huge adjustment? You bet your ass it is. Is it going to get better? In time I believe it will.

It's these particular times that I long for my 1000 sq. ft. condo. When I would put something down (like the toilet seat) and miraculously it would still be down the next time I used it. But then I am shaken back to reality and realize that there are some good things about my new living arrangements. Like the fact that we see each other every night. We get to discuss the events of our day over a home cooked meal; sitting out on the deck enjoying each other’s company. We get to laugh at the same silly things the dogs do, it's all these things and more that make living together worth it.

I don't know how other couples have dealt with this, but we're both trying to make more of an effort to be less demanding and more conscience. For those of you who know us both, you will know which characteristic each of us is working on. Has it been successful, partially yes. We still have a long way to go but hopefully in time this "adjustment" period will be over so we can enjoy our 'Happily Ever After'.

We Found it!

We found it, after months of searching and the debacle of the last house…we finally found it. Our very own dream (for now) home, we had given up on looking for about 3-4 months. After our dreams had been shattered we were forced to pick up the pieces and start over again. It actually happened by chance, my significant other and I had been out looking at the small town of where we were hoping to buy a home looking at the show homes and came across a builder that we had never heard of before. We were greeted by a very nice older woman, who reminded us of our grandmothers. She was so nice, patient and sincere, we were wondering how she got into this business. We asked the dumb question of “Do you have any homes with a 2-4 month possession?” Luckily enough she was kind enough to take us to see a few “spec” homes that were in the process of being built. The first one backed onto a nice pathway, which was nice however the house was a little small. The second one was just a plain ‘No’ and the last one seemed to fit almost all of our criteria. It was a two storey home, with a larger lot, nice exposure, good open layout and plenty of room to grow. We were excited about a house...finally.

The next step was to put an offer in, with it being a new house we were very limited in the time we had as there were some changes that we wanted to make, for example we didn’t want white walls and maple hardwood throughout the whole main floor. With time being a factor we were in touch with the builder ASAP. To our dismay they rejected our first offer but eventually we were able to come to an agreement and within days the house was ours.

The feeling of excitement that was flowing through our bodies was amazing, we finally found our house. I can't explain to you in words how excited we both were, now the only thing standing in our way was to sell my condo. With the housing crash in full swing I must admit I was a little worried that we might be sitting on it longer than anticipated. I think the real estate gods happened to be looking down on us as my condo sold in 4 days...yes I said 4 days! Now my only worry is that "technically" I will be homeless for 2 weeks. The possession time between the sale of one place and possession of another is 2 weeks. I'm really not too worried about that, I'll find a place to crash for two weeks until I can get into my dream home.

It's weird how things work out when we least expect it to, we weren't sure if we were going to be able to find a house (at a reasonable price), sell my condo for a heft sum and FINALLY get to move in together. But it all worked out in the end...now to find out how us living together will work...

Marty

It was 5 years ago yesterday that my cousin Martinique died in a tragic car accident. I remember it like it was yesterday...

It was a Sunday morning and I awoke crying shortly after 7AM; I woke up my significant other (at the time) and said something is wrong. He consoled me and I went back to sleep, thinking that I had just had a nightmare. I still remember it as if it just happened...In my dream I was standing beside my sister crying, at first I thought something had happened to my brother but shortly after that he came up to us and put his arms around us both as we continued to cry...and then I woke up sobbing in my sleep. There are very few people who know this except for my mom and a few selected family members.

After waking up for the day, I called my mom to chat as we normally do every weekend. I told her about my dream and how I was worried about "The Kids". Meaning my brother and sister; but they were fine so I continued about my day. As the day went on all I could think about was my dream, I talked to my significant other (at the time) and we didn't think anything too strangely of it, until bedtime arrived and I got the phone call about Marty missing and possibly being in a car accident.

My first immediate thought was of my dream and then I was hoping and praying that it wasn't about her...phone call after phone call to everyone that she knows uncovered nothing. It wasn't until early Monday morning that it was confirmed that she had passed away in a car accident. I got the phone call and remember thinking if I don't get out of bed, then it can't be true. Sadly it was on the news and in the papers, there was just no escaping it and finally on Tuesday morning I made my way over to my Aunt's to help with the funeral arrangements...

To this day, it still brings tears to my eyes to think that her life was taken so tragically and that I hoped she had experienced everything that she wanted to. But I still think back to my dream that morning and after discussing it with my mom, we came to the conclusion that she came to say goodbye. After many years of missing her it dawned on me that in my dream my brother was standing between my sister and I and I happened to look at a photo that is still hanging on my fridge and there in that little photograph at Marty's funeral is the pose that was in my dream. Coincidence?? I don't know??

I don't dream of her too often, but on Sunday night I dreamt of her again. It was August 10th, five years ago...we had buried her and then like magic she showed up, out of the blue. I asked her where she had been and that everyone thought she was dead. She just laughed her little girl laugh and said "I was never really gone". I showed her the headstone and the articles and that she had to notify everyone immediately; again she just laughed and said she would. After waking up I once again called my mom to tell her about my dream and it was a pleasant thought that she was coming to visit me to let me know that she isn't really gone, but instead is always with us...

Every time I hear the song ‘Beautiful’ by Christina Aguilera, I think of her...when it first came out she called me and told me to listen to this song. I told her I would but in true ‘Marty’ fashion she held the phone up to the speaker for the whole song so I could listen to it. She was just so funny that way. I still miss her, I miss her little girl laugh, I miss her smiling face. I know she's in a better place but there are times that I still wish she were here to call me and make me listen to another song that she likes over the phone...

Shattered Dreams

It's still been three months since it happened and we're still feeling the effects. Neither of us saw this coming; we were living in a euphoric state of mind...

The boyfriend and I had just finalized the dishwasher choice for our new home and were ecstatic to get to the builder to let them know the good news. We also had ulterior motives as we wanted to see if the blue prints had come in yet. Upon our arrival we still had the giddy look on our faces; you know the one new home owners get when they've completed all of their "shopping" tasks. That look was quickly replaced with complete and utter horror when the builder said to us "...we've been meaning to call you guys to discuss a change." The boyfriend I quickly glanced at each other wondering what they meant; neither of us changed anything??

After pulling us into an office and in our persistence they explained to us that the house we chose couldn't be built on the lot we picked. Reason being was because the architectural guidelines had changed and the builder wasn't made aware of these changes. The previous statement is partially true because had the builder done their due diligence they would've known that the house they sold us, that I put money down on and had done all the "shopping" for was not allowed to be built there because it didn't meet the guidelines.

This information would've been so useful before I invested 3 months of my time. Not only was I emotionally attached as I had everything picked out. What do you mean by everything you say? Well if you've ever built a new house before; you know after signing the purchase agreement that you have 21 days after that to go and meet with the electrician, the flooring people, the lighting company, the appliance people, the paint people, the cupboard people and let's not forget the railing, the windows, the door knobs, the doors, the counter tops, the counter top height, the cable outlets...this list could go on...they all have people associated with them because these are all choices that have to be made. So needless to say we were both pretty pissed off because some of these people don't work on weekends forcing us to miss work and make these choices.

After the madness wore off we tried out damndest to get a house plan to work. Unfortunately the builder presented us with house plans that were somewhat thrown together. Despite our efforts we were forced to walk away from the deal and here we sit three months later and still no closer to our dream home...

I think the reason it hit us so hard was because not only were we buying a house, but we were making that first big step together. Moving in together, it was the first big step for our future. Now we are forced to start over but with a bit more perspective under our belts. So our journey continues with our gained knowledge hopefully our dreams will no longer be shattered but fulfilled.

We have started looking again and it seems that there is nothing out there that comes close. Have our standards gone up? Yes. Will they ever come down? We're not sure...

My Independence Home

***Just a note, that I wrote this a few months back and just found it the other day...thought I would post it anyhow***

It took me 29 years to feel that slice of independence that everyone kept telling me about. Although I left home at the ripe age of 16, I moved in with my Aunt; prior to that I had only lived with my family. After only a year and a half of living with my Aunt, I moved back home to try living with my parents and siblings again…that only seemed to last a short period of time and low and behold I got a place of my own. I was 18 and bartending, I figured with the tips I made that I could afford to live on my own. I think I spent about two weeks of living alone when a friend and co-worker asked if she could move in with me. Hesitantly I agreed and that began my love affair of always having a roommate. 


Year after year I would move in with someone new; some roomies lasted longer than others...but still I didn't know what it truly meant to live alone. Until I finally did it; I bought a place of my own and decided I would not let anyone move in with me and I would learn to love living alone.

At first I didn't quite get it; it was so quiet. I will admit I was a bit lonely as there was no one to talk to...but as time went on I learned to love it. If something was a mess, it was because I made it. If something was missing, it was because I misplaced it. I loved this new found freedom of "making it" on my own. I felt so liberated.

For almost 3 years now I've been living alone, but recently my boyfriend and I purchased a house together. Exciting, yes. It’s all I can think about, I honestly can't wait until we move in together. Part of me is scared because we've both lived solo for so long, we have certain routines. But part of me is happy because we'll now get to see more of each other. I know that we'll have that awkward stage of wanting to kill each other, but that will pass knowing that we've both contributed to the purchased of this new home.

While it is sad that I must sell my 'Independence' home, I feel good about it because I know another chapter of my life is beginning. So for now I must bid adieu to my 'Independence' home so that I can move into my 'New Chapter' home. Besides experiencing the joys of living alone in my 'Independence' home; without it I would've never gotten the chance to move into my 'New Chapter' home. So for that...Thank you 'Independence' home.