They are one!

They are one!

March 1, 2017

I can’t believe a whole year has gone by and my babes are a year old, where has the time gone? I remember a lot of parents telling me to enjoy the first year as it seems to fly by and you don’t remember very much…well, I’m here to tell you that is 100% true.

We have come so far from that first day we brought them home, luckily with all the NICU time we had we felt very confident bringing them home. We went from completely helpless and totally dependent babes to walking, learning, growing independent babes. They are doing things that I remember daydreaming about when they were young. They comprehend so much that we tell them and they’re so attentive. It just amazes me to see the difference in not only them but us as well.

They have shown us how to be more patient, enjoy those little moments and how to survive on a little amount of sleep. LOL. I still don’t know how we’re functioning?!? The boys just continue to amaze us and surpass any expectations that we have for them. They have really become my little men and have grown so much in just one short year. I suspect that will be the case for the rest of their lives.

Their birthday is something that is not only so memorable but it’s something that I am still not 100% sure of how I want to celebrate. I think I may have it worked out but will have to see. Initially I wanted to celebrate for two days, seeing as I have two babies to celebrate. But this year when I went to celebrate on February 28^th, it felt a little surreal as last year at this time I still had the little monsters in my belly. I decided to celebrate on March 1^st instead as technically they were outside of my belly then, with their birthday being on leap year…it’s never easy having babies born on a day that technically only comes around every 4 years.

I know moving forward I will go ahead with my plan to celebrate on two days, February 28^th and March 1^st. I have decided that I will rotate who gets to celebrate on the two days so that they don’t come to expect that day as their birthday. I definitely need to make a calendar reminder about this so I don’t get mixed up. I think it will be something they will enjoy and it’s nice for everyone to have their own special day…despite them being twins.

Happy First Birthday my babies, I can’t wait to keep celebrating your special days.

Christmas 'Firsts' All Around

Christmas ‘Firsts’ All Around

December 25, 2016

Talk about ‘first time for everything’; this year was the boys first Christmas and our first Christmas as parents. How amazing is that? I wasn’t sure what to expect this year as honestly the time has just flown by and the boys aren’t quite old enough to appreciate Christmas.

I did put up a Christmas tree as I felt that it was very important that they have a tree for their first Christmas. It wasn’t as decorated as I normally go but it had enough decorations on it to suffice the holiday season. The boys were in awe of it, they didn’t really know what it was nor did they really bother with it too much. I was really happy with the latter of that statement as I didn’t want the 9’ tree to topple down on them. Don’t get me wrong they did go and investigate it and touch it a few times but didn’t have that much interest in playing with it. I was surprised but delighted to see that as that was one thing I didn’t have to worry about this year (next year could be a different story).

I got to hang their stockings ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ this year as well and was delighted to see them hanging there. I actually didn’t even hang up our stockings as I didn’t want to detract from their first Christmas.

As usual we didn’t go crazy for gifts as again I don’t feel that they could fully comprehend what Christmas was about and why we were even celebrating. We got them a few gifts to open Christmas morning and a few for ourselves and we were completely happy with that. We did the record them coming down the stairs and seeing their gifts under the tree as these are moments that we just won’t get back.

It’s funny as the first gifts they opened were the ones they played with the most. We got to hang out and enjoy our breakfast and just enjoy being with the boys. It was a nice and calm feeling. My brother came over to see them and give them their gifts, it was cute as they played with him and they didn’t even know that it was a special day. To them they continued to play and just go about their business, they got to see other family members and overall just had a good time. That is how Christmas should be spent, just hanging out with family and enjoying the day. I look forward to many more Christmases like this but as the boys get older the excitement will become more apparent but for now I think I will enjoy the family time each Christmas morning.

My First Family Christmas Ornament

My First Family Christmas Ornament

November 27, 2016

Today is the day that I got to buy my first family Christmas ornament, I use to watch other people buy them all the time and I use to think to myself ‘I’m gonna get one when I have a family’. Little did I know that buying one would be such an amazing feeling. It’s funny what one little gesture does to make you feel so great…I can’t get over how much I love it and how much I love what it represents.

It took my awhile to choose what design I wanted and what I wanted on it. You would think that I was picking out my wedding ring or something. But to me that’s how special it is, it’s something that I will treasure for the rest of my life. It will hang proudly on my tree until the end of time.

Once I decided on a design I had our names put on it and ‘First Family Christmas’. It was done and I absolutely loved it, I couldn’t wait to get it home to show the Mr. He loved it too and after I put it on the tree we just kind of stared at it in disbelief and awe. That simple little thing didn’t make us a family but it made our situation more real.

This will always be my favourite Christmas ornament and I will always put it right upfront, proud to show the world my family.

My first birthday as a mom

My First Birthday as a Mom

October 20, 2016

Today was my first birthday as a mom, you wouldn’t think that’s anything too special but to me it is. For years I celebrated my birthday with family and friends and it usually involved a dinner, gifts and drinks. We somehow always found our way to a pub or bar, but not this year. This year was a year that I spent out for dinner with my new family. We decided to go out for dinner with the little guys to BP’s, we were prepared and even brought their bumbo chairs.

As much as I would like to say that I enjoyed a drink, I passed as I was still breastfeeding and just didn’t feel comfortable having a drink as I knew there would be plenty of other times for me to have a drink or two. I did end up having a virgin drink and enjoyed my meal and feeding my little ones off my plate. Why is it that only mommy’s food tastes the best? That’s ok, I don’t mind sharing and giving them different experiences along the way.

To me this birthday celebration was a lot different than birthdays past, but I have to say I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. The joy I felt being in the restaurant and having people watch us. Possibly admiring my family, my family…something I didn’t know that I was going to be able to say. I know I sound like I am beaming with pride and to be honest I am, it’s just such a surreal feeling.

I think I’ve celebrated my birthday enough times for me to be able to sit back and appreciate my new tradition of celebrating birthdays. I don’t know what next year will bring but if it’s anything like this, I can’t wait to celebrate them.

Wish I would've captured more

Wish I would’ve captured more

September 23, 2016

I found out last week that a friend of ours is expecting and a pang of guilt ran through me quicker than I could say my own name. It’s not because I wanted to be pregnant again or anything like that, it was because when I was pregnant I didn’t capture that chapter in my life as well as I wished that I had. I don’t have as many pictures of me pregnant and I have huge regrets over that.

The one time in a woman’s life when she doesn’t want to take pictures is one of the most special times in her life and it should be documented. I wished I would’ve had someone tell me this and even though the last thing I want to do is to take pictures of myself because I feel like a whale, I really should. In my case it’s a little harder of a pill to swallow as this will more than likely be my only pregnancy. I had my children when I was older, I didn’t find the right person until then so I decided to have kids then. We were so very fortunate as we had gotten pregnant early on and it was twins. I knew it was going to be my only pregnancy but I didn’t think to document it.

I think part of the reason I didn’t was because I was feeling at my worst as I was continually getting larger and larger. My whole life as a woman, I was always concious of my weight and to feel like I was letting myself go…made it hard to want to document. Also I had unfortunately gotten pregnant at the same time those stupid Duggar girls were pregnant. I was sick and tired of seeing their faces everywhere and was feeling overwhelmed with all of their coverage on their pregnancies on social media and let’s not forget that all pregnant women, no matter how happy you are get grumpy. Your body changes and you feel like crap, things that use to be easy to do you find cumbersome and annoying. Overall, it’s not a super pleasant thing for any woman…and that overshadows all the other good stuff, which I wish I would’ve documented.

Sadly even the maternity shoot that I had booked was cancelled as the weather was terrible and the boys decided to come early. So I don’t really have that many pregnant pictures of myself and wish that I had taken more. I ask myself all the time, why didn’t I at least take the pictures of the weeks that I was pregnant. You know those typical belly shots…I want to see those and wish I wasn’t so darn stubborn and had those memories. Now I have to rely on my mind and we all know those images will get lost somewhere in there and be forgotten forever. Whatever the case may be, I tell all my pregnant friends who tell me their expecting to make sure and take the pictures along the way. You might not feel like you want to take the pictures but you really should as you won’t regret it looking back on it. It’s a chore yes but just do it for your sanity, trust me I live with that regret everyday and will continue to for the rest of my years.

I don’t know how I will ever get over it but maybe one day I will. Until then, I will continue to suffer in silence and just pretend that it doesn’t bother me.

What do you mean it's been 6 months?

What do you mean it has been 6 months?

August 29, 2016

Holy cow, I can’t believe it’s been six months since I gave birth to these two little bundles of joy. I can’t believe how the time has flown by, I now understand when parents tell me to cherish each and every moment you have with them as ‘they grow up so fast’. It’s true, our lives have been completely and totally turned upside down but I don’t think that we would have it any other way.

We knew having twins was going to be one of the hardest things we would ever have to do and boy were they right. Nothing can prepare you for the lack of sleep that you get, it’s a wonder how parents function. Don’t get me wrong, I was never one to be in bed by 9, or 10…or even 11. I was use to catching about 4-6 hours a night of sleep and still functioning as well as any other person…and then I had kids. I took for granted the 4-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I would say I’m getting about the same amount, maybe less but it’s interrupted. We wake up every 3 hours to feed these guys and then burp them, diaper change and back to sleep. It’s quite scheduled and it’s good to help them have a routine but man oh man is it hard for us.

Not only have they affected our sleep but they have also had us watching cartoons, I never knew there was a children’s cartoon channel that played cartoons all day. I’ve been singing nursery rhymes…which apparently I only know a few. There are so many more to learn, who knew. I’ve been counting things, on my hands and knees with them on the floor. Entertaining them is one of my new hobbies, teaching them all about the everyday normal things we take for granted in our lives. I’m more aware of what is a risk and a hazard, I’ve only had cats before so to me nothing was a hazard. I have to be on the lookout for things that I never knew existed, it’s like I’m a detective now trying to find the weaknesses in everything I never noticed before.

It's funny as I use to think I was a busy person before…and then I had twins. LOL. My days consist of feeding babes, burping babes, either swing, circle of neglect or jolly jumpers. Then cleaning and sanitizing bottles and nipples, pumping these baby feeders of mine, possibly washing my face and getting dressed. Eating if I have time and then nap time and basically start all over again until it’s time to put them to bed. It seems like a never ending cycle to be honest and it just never ends. This is what my days consist of, a whole other life that I never knew existed. Stuff I had only heard about and thought was folklore…little did I know that I would soon be one of the millions who are going through this.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining at all. My babes are a blessing and I can’t imagine my life without them now. Yes my life has changed but I like it, I am happier and feel fulfilled…I never knew I could feel like this. Like there isn’t anything missing from  my life anymore, I have a purpose. How we got to 6 months already I will never know, I am almost afraid to see what things will be like when they’re a year old. For now, I will enjoy the time I have with my babes and try to capture as much as I can on video and pictures.

My Life is Chaos!

My Life is Chaos!

July 13, 2016

It appears that four months of my life have flown by in an instant; my babies are 4 ½ months old…where does the time go? I can’t believe I have had the pleasure of having these two wonderful bundles of joy in my life for 4 ½ months. So much has changed in these last 4 ½ months though and despite my absolute euphoric state of being a mom…I have come to see that things in my life will never be the same.

Now don’t get me wrong, I knew having a kid…let alone unexpected twins was a definite game changer and that yes, life would be busy and that yes, life would never be the same. What I wasn’t fully prepared for was the lack of normalcy. I am the type of person who thrives on normalcy and routine. I have always been a person who gets things done, who doesn’t back down from a challenge, who doesn’t ever say no. I was not prepared for that, I don’t think that any new parent is ever ready for that.

It seems that all the things that use to be so neatly organized, have been neglected and are upside down. I worry that things will get out of hand and I wonder how I will ever keep up. I mostly worry about this as I wonder what will happen when I go back to work full time. I don’t know what to expect and am honestly scared. I know that I have always been a perfectionist and things had to be ‘just so’. I have since given up on most of those tendencies as I realizes that my babes are so much more important than a sparkling stove. However in saying that I still clean my house as I want to ensure that my babes aren’t growing up in filth. I want them to have clean clothes and hot meals. I don’t want them to live in squalor and I still do as much as I can just not to the extent that I did them before.

I got a phone call from one of my credit card companies as I had forgotten to pay my bill…I have NEVER forgotten to pay the bill before. It’s little things like this that make me wonder how hard my “new” reality is going to be. Will I be able to keep up? Will I be able to make it all work? When will I sleep? Will I remember to pay my credit card bills? Will I remember to pay the utility bills?

These never use to be questions that I had to ask myself before but with my reality changing, I need to know how to approach these things. I have made the decision to hire a house cleaner as this isn’t something that I want to be doing while my babes are small. I would rather be playing with them instead of constantly cleaning. I have also decided to limit my extra curricular activities; I am taking the year off of all the sports that I use to play until I can get into some sort of routine and see not only what I can fit in but what I want to do. Sleep has become a very important part of my life…that I am lacking in and I try to catch up on it so I’m just not 100% sure what it is I want to entertain my time with.

Anyhow, I don’t want to get ahead of myself here as my babes are only 4 months old and I am in the early stages here but I am sitting here just wondering how it’s all going to work out and what my new normal is going to look like.