My Life is Chaos!

My Life is Chaos!

July 13, 2016

It appears that four months of my life have flown by in an instant; my babies are 4 ½ months old…where does the time go? I can’t believe I have had the pleasure of having these two wonderful bundles of joy in my life for 4 ½ months. So much has changed in these last 4 ½ months though and despite my absolute euphoric state of being a mom…I have come to see that things in my life will never be the same.

Now don’t get me wrong, I knew having a kid…let alone unexpected twins was a definite game changer and that yes, life would be busy and that yes, life would never be the same. What I wasn’t fully prepared for was the lack of normalcy. I am the type of person who thrives on normalcy and routine. I have always been a person who gets things done, who doesn’t back down from a challenge, who doesn’t ever say no. I was not prepared for that, I don’t think that any new parent is ever ready for that.

It seems that all the things that use to be so neatly organized, have been neglected and are upside down. I worry that things will get out of hand and I wonder how I will ever keep up. I mostly worry about this as I wonder what will happen when I go back to work full time. I don’t know what to expect and am honestly scared. I know that I have always been a perfectionist and things had to be ‘just so’. I have since given up on most of those tendencies as I realizes that my babes are so much more important than a sparkling stove. However in saying that I still clean my house as I want to ensure that my babes aren’t growing up in filth. I want them to have clean clothes and hot meals. I don’t want them to live in squalor and I still do as much as I can just not to the extent that I did them before.

I got a phone call from one of my credit card companies as I had forgotten to pay my bill…I have NEVER forgotten to pay the bill before. It’s little things like this that make me wonder how hard my “new” reality is going to be. Will I be able to keep up? Will I be able to make it all work? When will I sleep? Will I remember to pay my credit card bills? Will I remember to pay the utility bills?

These never use to be questions that I had to ask myself before but with my reality changing, I need to know how to approach these things. I have made the decision to hire a house cleaner as this isn’t something that I want to be doing while my babes are small. I would rather be playing with them instead of constantly cleaning. I have also decided to limit my extra curricular activities; I am taking the year off of all the sports that I use to play until I can get into some sort of routine and see not only what I can fit in but what I want to do. Sleep has become a very important part of my life…that I am lacking in and I try to catch up on it so I’m just not 100% sure what it is I want to entertain my time with.

Anyhow, I don’t want to get ahead of myself here as my babes are only 4 months old and I am in the early stages here but I am sitting here just wondering how it’s all going to work out and what my new normal is going to look like.