Who is this woman you call mom?

Who is this woman you call Mom?

May 15, 2016

Since the end of February I was finally able to join the elusive club of ‘being a mom’. I know this might make some of you chuckle a little bit but to be honest, I wasn’t sure that I was ever going to be a part of this club. I had had many boyfriends and almost immediately after we had dated for a little while, I knew that I didn’t want to have kids. I wasn’t quiet about this decision but in the back of my mind I wasn’t always sure about this decision. Clearly this should’ve been an indicator that I was with the wrong person. However love is blind and you think you can overlook some things and that it will work out. In my case, it didn’t and as time went on and I got older, I had started to learn to accept that having kids might not be in the cards for me. 

Fast forward about 8 years and here I am a mom of twin boys. I had finally realized that at the time that I was with all my exes, I did not indeed want to have kids…with them. I didn’t realize this until I had finally met someone that I actually could see myself being married to and having kids with. Here we are today, with me trying to wrap my head around the fact that when ‘mom’ is called…it could potentially be me. How weird is that?

When I see people and they ask about the boys, I tell them that these are my first children and that they are fraternal twins…that they are my sons. How weird is that? For someone who spent their 39 years on earth only thinking about herself, her mother, sister and brother…this was definitely something new to me. I will sometimes catch myself after I’ve said “my children” or “my sons”. I have to think about it and then my mind will work out that ‘Yes, I am their mom and yes, I do have children’. LOL.

I know it sounds a little weird but I spent my whole life childless and only know that what I did, I did for myself and close family and friends. This is definitely going to take some getting use to but I don’t mind accommodating them as I have truly been blessed with two little miracles. I can’t imagine my life without them and I wonder how I went so long without having kids. I chalk it up to the time not being right and not being with the right person.  For now, I will still wonder who the mom is and eventually it will sink in that it’s me. LOL.