Not So Happily Ever After

Not So Happily Ever After

September 7, 2012

I called it quits with the Mr. after 6 years; I decided that this just was not working for me. It seems that we are not headed in the same direction and his goals changed a few years back. I did give it a valiant effort once I realized that our goals were not in alignment but it seems that just was not enough. I did the “breaking-up” part, I had just been asked to head out of town to play ball and I decided I would go. I stood up from the couch and said, “I don’t think this is working and I think we should break-up”. I looked at him and he said, “We should think about this”. I immediately bounded up the stairs and stopped halfway up and said, “I can’t as I’m heading out of town”.

Yes, I was a coward. Yes, I ensured that I was out of the house shortly after I dropped the bomb. Could I have done it better? Probably, as I have done it a few other times. Regardless, this is how I chose to do it and off I went to play ball and drink away my sorrows.

After the weekend and the time I had to think by myself, I questioned if I had done the right thing in breaking up with him. I arrived home to him sitting in the living room waiting for me, we exchanged pleasantries and then sat down and discussed ‘breaking up’. We were both uncertain if we wanted this to happen but we also agreed that we were both unhappy. Things had changed and we did not know what to do to get it back. Our conversation led us to a continual loop of unanswered questions so we decided to call it a night. The next day we went back to being ships in the night and no further conversations happened. It was a weird dynamic as we were still co-habitating and still eating dinner together but not talking or sleeping in the same room. A week or so passed and finally he stood up and said that he was going to the lake to stay there for a while and think about things and how he could repair what had been done and we will talk then. I wasn’t sure what to think about this as honestly I thought I had broken up with him and what was there to repair?

A week had gone by and I was not sleeping or eating. I was constantly worrying about how to separate things and what my next steps were. He did not make things easy by going rogue, I understand not wanting to talk but I did send him some text messages that went unreturned about what his thoughts were with selling the house etcetera. I was slowly but surely feeling better about my decision as I was alone and was able to think and see the benefit of being alone instead of just settling. Then unexpectedly, he showed up at the house. It was the Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend; he decided to take a chance that I would be at home. Yes, I was home…I was loading the empties to take back to the bottle depot. He came up to me, looked me straight in the eye, and said, “Yes, I think you’re right we do need to break-up”. Even though I was the one who initially broke up with him a few weeks prior, it was as though I was hearing it for the first time. We both stared at each other knowing that it was over; we embraced and cried, as we knew right there that it was over and this was our goodbye. This is the moment that I will remember the most with this break-up as we ended our long-term relationship the same way that we started it, as adults.

My hope is that we can stay this amicable and we each find someone that loves us as much as we love them. I know that we want the best for each other and maybe we will be one of those couples that will remain friends. For right now though, we need to wade through to see what our next steps are and go from there. If Mr. M ever reads this, I wish you well and thank you for being a part of my life for 6 years. You have taught me so much and I continue to strive to be a better person because of you.