Missing
My Mom More Now That I’m a Mom
March 20, 2016
I have been a mom for exactly 21 days now and boy oh
boy has it been an amazing feeling. Words seriously can’t describe the joy and
contentment that these two boys bring to my life. I have heard people say that
who have had children and honestly it is such an amazing feeling, that you
really can’t describe in words how you feel.
For me, I feel as though my life is complete now that I
have them. I had always thought that I had everything that I ever needed to be
happy and live a long life. Then these two came along and I was finally able to
experience what true love and true happiness is. I can’t speak for anyone else
but to me, that’s the best way that I can describe it.
The only thing that I am missing right now in my life
is my mom, I now understand some of the hard things she had to do and why she
did them. She did so much for us and I never recognized it, the love that she
felt for us was probably just as great as the love that I feel for my children.
I so wish that she were here right now so that she could see how amazing these
two little men in my life are. How precious they are and how much spunk they
already have, she would’ve loved them. She would’ve demanded to see them
everyday, even if she was in the hospital and sick. It would have been a dream
come true for her as I think she always wanted to be a grandparent. She
would’ve been so good at it; I can only imagine how amazing she would have
been. My kids would’ve been spoiled but it would’ve been worth it for her to
get to spend some time with my little ones. Oh, how I miss her so.
She could’ve given me advice on things that I know I
have no idea about, as I am a first time mom. I know that she would’ve helped
me with any of those normal questions that you get to ask your mom. I will
sometimes hear friends talk about their mom and how they get to ask them
questions or how helpful they are and I think to myself…”I have no mom to ask
these questions”. Then I start to tear up and think “this sucks” and “I wish my
mom was here”.
I’m good most days as I am kept pretty busy with these
little ones so I don’t really have the time to ‘woes is me’ but I am human and
I have my moments where I wish I could talk to her and I wish that she could
see them and hold them and talk to them.
Shortly after my mom passed away I was talking with one
of my Auntie’s and I had said to her that I wished that I had given my mom
grandchildren. I cried all the way home as I thought about that statement and
how much it would’ve meant to her to have grandbabies. It pained me that I
couldn’t give her that one thing…but as I thought about it, I think it would’ve
been that much harder for her to leave and let them go as well as us.
I hadn’t given that conversation much thought until I
started to write this post. I guess I always knew she wanted grandbabies and
now that I have them, she’s not here to enjoy them. Weird how things work out.
I know that she would tell me what I need to hear to make me feel better and I
know she would answer any questions that I had about them. She would’ve been a
wonderful grandmother. I have missed my mom everyday since she passed away…I
just seem to be feeling the distance a little more now that I’m a mom.
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