She planned everything, right up to the end

She planned everything, right up to the very end.

March 18, 2014

It has been about a month since my mama has passed away. I think about her everyday and miss her more and more as the days go on. I think about her laugh, I think about her smile, I think about how she is no longer in pain…but most of all I think about how she is not here.

I got thinking about the past few months and how I was kept busy by my mom’s requests. It all started when we found out that she would not be going back home from the hospital. She made the hard decision to give up her apartment. Luckily, it was a request made easier as I was occupying her apartment until I was able to fine a place of my own. Every night I would go home after visiting her and I would pack up a box of her stuff. It really was not that difficult of a task to pack away a few boxes here and there. I had already done the hard work of purging her stuff so this seemed like the natural next step. Along the way, I would double check with her about the items she wanted to keep and the items she wanted to give away.

Most things went to my brother as he was planning to get a place of his own. She pretty much furnished his entire apartment and was able to pass things along to those who she cared about. I continued to get all of this done while she directed me from her hospital bed. 

I finally got her apartment cleared out and gave back the keys. I walked through it one final time and took in all the memories we had in this place. It was definitely another sad moment, not only for me but I imagine for my mom. She was pleased when she got her full deposit back and that chapter of her like was closed.

I think back on this as it was only two short months ago and I didn’t know that she was planning to have all of this dealt with before she left this earth. I just kept doing what she asked and making sure that I got it just right so she would be happy. I did not see it at the time but I can see it now and wow, oh wow…she really was a sneaky little woman.

I am glad that I didn’t know what she was doing as it probably would’ve made the task that much harder. I know that I would’ve been emotional and possibly not been able to get it done. However, she knew what she was doing, always looking out for her kids. It makes me sad to think about this and how much she loved us and even right to the end she tried to take care of us and what she could so that it wasn’t such a burden for us.

My smart little mama…oh how I miss her so.