My New Whip!

My New Whip

October 26, 2012

It has been a few days now since I decided to buy myself a new toy, it was definitely NOT a necessity but a statement. What kind of statement you ask, well it was a statement of my independence of course. It has been a few months since I ended things with the Mr. and I have been on a journey of discovering who I am and where I am going. Don’t get me wrong, I am still the same person I was before. I am just a little more brave and gaining more confidence as I am forced to be a more independent person than I was before.

I have to say, I am really starting to come into my own and I like the person that I am becoming. I do things that I normally thought I could not do and I am actually enjoying doing them. I believe that this is part of my healing process; I know that they are all different for everyone but mine is a nice journey of discovery. Which leads me to the purchase of my new ride, at the time I was driving a very reliable and sturdy vehicle. It was a 1994 Toyota Camry; it was paid in full and running like a dream. As you can see, I did NOT need a new vehicle…I wanted a new vehicle.

I started my search like any new car buyer, I wanted everything. Problem was, I could not afford everything. I test drove so many new vehicles that I started to get discouraged that I was not going to find one. I discussed my problem with a co-worker who just happened to have a cousin working at a dealership and I decided why not, what could it hurt? To my amazement, I fell in love with the vehicle I test drove and decided right then and there that I was going to buy it. It is funny, as it did not have all the gadgets or upgrades that a new vehicle has. It had just want I wanted and needed at the time. After some thought, I realized that this was another step in my healing process and journey to independence. It wasn’t what the vehicle had, just that it fulfilled my need to buy it and say indirectly, “I don’t need you, and I can do this on my own”.

I get to pick it up in a few days and I can’t wait, as I am beyond excited. This is such an amazing step in my healing and growth, I can’t wait to see what awaits me even further down the road.

Lonely for a Reason

Lonely for a Reason

October 7, 2012

Talk about foreshadowing, I had a gander back on my previous blog posts and came across one titled  'Only the Lonely', link below.

http://lifeafter30withtan.blogspot.com/2012/02/only-lonely.html

 As I sit here alone in my empty house, I sit here and I try to fill the hours by going through all my forms of social media. It has been some time since I broke up with the Mr. and I am still trying to figure things out, he is not making it easy as he has gone MIA. I have not heard from him, despite my reaching out to him to try to sort things out. I may get the odd text here and there letting me know that he is stopping by the house but that is about it. My questions about selling the house, picking other things up and the dogs have all gone unanswered. I thought that the break-up might actually be handled in a more mature fashion but it turns out that he has decided to retreat to his parent’s cottage and stay silent. I can totally understand why and have pretty much concluded that I will be handling just about everything by myself. Part of me does not see that as too much of a problem though as I will not get push back from him and can make the decisions myself. I guess it is just a matter of starting the process of sorting, packing and labeling.

My post however is not about him and his lack of involvement; it is about how my previous post back in February conveyed the feeling of me being lonely despite being in a relationship. Looking back on it now, I can see that yes, I was lonely and not getting the support I needed from the person who was suppose to be closest to me. I chalked it up to my lack of friends but in reality, it was because I really was alone, despite my relationship status. I had no support, I had no guidance, and I had nothing. I was going through some significant changes at this point in my life and was questioning some things all the while I was doing it alone. He may have been there physically but he was not there for me emotionally and mentally. How could I not have recognized this? I guess that we look for a quick fix and reason of why we are feeling the way we feel. We sometimes don’t always want to face what we know is right in front of us, so we think of something else to avoid having to face the problem.

I look back at that post and think “Wow, I was feeling totally sh*tty”. However, I guess I had to go through those feelings to get where I am. I realize my posts going forward will have some emotion to them as I am still reeling from the break-up and most likely will for a while. As I said when I began this post, I am filling my time with social media outlets. I suspect that means I will have a lot to say most of the time. Let’s just hope it isn’t all negative.