So
it's been a total of 11 days since my cataract surgery and here I am in front
of the computer with what I feel is no difference since the surgery day. In
fact if I were being totally honest I think that my eyesight is worse than it
was when I went in. Which makes me very sad because I went in thinking it would
help to improve my eyesight; which is the reason everyone gets any surgery with
the hope that it helps to improve whatever it is that ails them? For me it's
something that makes me even angrier because I can't control it; I can't tell
it to get better. All I can do is hope that the things I do strengthen it. For
now it's something that I can't really NOT think about as it is after all my
eyesight; something that we use every day and will continue to for the
remainder of our lives. I know it's not the end of the world for me, as I may
end up getting glasses and that may make a bit of a difference; but for now I
just want to be sad for a while about it.
I
know that I am usually the one who is pretty optimistic and that there is
always a silver lining somewhere in the far off distance...but I just need to
wallow for now. I don't mean to be feeling sorry for myself but with all the
other people I know out there and they all have wonderful success stories; I
feel as though this surgery has been a complete and utter failure. Not only did
it take time out of my work life; but it took time out of my social life. And
yes, I know it could've been worse...I could've lost my eyesight all together.
But to me, not being able to see and the thought of possibly having to give up
playing ball...makes me want to just sit down and cry.
For
now I will continue to just do what I do with it and see the eye doctors to see
what their input is and also to just keep trying to get better. Maybe I am just
one of those people who heal very slowly and miraculously one day my eyesight
will improve...just like that. Realistically I know that won't happen, but I
guess I just need something to 'hope' for.
I
know that I will come out of this "funk" and realize that I have so
much more to be thankful for...but it's like Terri Clark said in one of her
songs..."I just want to be mad for a while".
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