To See or Not to See...

So it's been a total of 11 days since my cataract surgery and here I am in front of the computer with what I feel is no difference since the surgery day. In fact if I were being totally honest I think that my eyesight is worse than it was when I went in. Which makes me very sad because I went in thinking it would help to improve my eyesight; which is the reason everyone gets any surgery with the hope that it helps to improve whatever it is that ails them? For me it's something that makes me even angrier because I can't control it; I can't tell it to get better. All I can do is hope that the things I do strengthen it. For now it's something that I can't really NOT think about as it is after all my eyesight; something that we use every day and will continue to for the remainder of our lives. I know it's not the end of the world for me, as I may end up getting glasses and that may make a bit of a difference; but for now I just want to be sad for a while about it.

I know that I am usually the one who is pretty optimistic and that there is always a silver lining somewhere in the far off distance...but I just need to wallow for now. I don't mean to be feeling sorry for myself but with all the other people I know out there and they all have wonderful success stories; I feel as though this surgery has been a complete and utter failure. Not only did it take time out of my work life; but it took time out of my social life. And yes, I know it could've been worse...I could've lost my eyesight all together. But to me, not being able to see and the thought of possibly having to give up playing ball...makes me want to just sit down and cry.

For now I will continue to just do what I do with it and see the eye doctors to see what their input is and also to just keep trying to get better. Maybe I am just one of those people who heal very slowly and miraculously one day my eyesight will improve...just like that. Realistically I know that won't happen, but I guess I just need something to 'hope' for.

I know that I will come out of this "funk" and realize that I have so much more to be thankful for...but it's like Terri Clark said in one of her songs..."I just want to be mad for a while".

House Arrest...the Good Kind.

Here I am at home and have been since January 31, 2008. I've left twice and both times I was driven to my destination. I recently got cataract surgery and have not been able to live the life that I have become so accustomed to...driving being the thing I dream about most. Luckily for me, I am on the mend and healing well. The day after my surgery I went in for a 6:45AM appointment and was given the green light that there was no infection and it's healing well. The only problem I have with that is that my sight is not back to what it was or noticeably improved. I know it hasn't even been a week yet, but I am quite impatient as you can tell from the title of this blog. I am in quite a rigorous schedule of drops and pills; that should calm down 7 days post-op (which is my new word of the month) But it's still annoying to not be able to watch TV for too long, or read for too long or go on the computer for too long. I mean how many things out there can you do with your eyes closed??

Tonight I am going to go on a trial run just down the road to see how my driving is, as I have class tomorrow night and have to drive myself there. I've had a few offers but I live so far from everyone that it seems a little bit of an inconvenience...and I am also so damn independent...god forbid I actually rely on somebody! I know I sound a little ticked off, but I just have to keep myself entertained for the next week and a half. So far I have been pretty good...I have a 'To Do' list and it's about 3 pages long of stuff that I know I have to do but never seem to have the time. Here I sit with all the time in the world and I feel great for being able to work through about 20 things so far. Did I mention that I have only really been mobile since Monday?? Yep, I've been busy. But I tell ya, when everyone else is doing their spring cleaning I will have already done mine. LOL

Anyhow I am going to try and be a bit more patient and enjoy the time I have off because I believe just a few blogs ago I was complaining that I had no time. So here I sit...letting my patience get the better of me when I should be embracing this time off and thanking myself for getting all of my 'To Do' things done.

Now where can I go to get a few things welded together?? Don't laugh this really is on my 'To Do' list. LOL