Making my old life work with my new life

Making my old life work with my new life

June 1, 2017

I’ve been back to work for about a month now and wow oh wow are things a lot different than I thought they would be. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t think everything was going to be unicorns and rainbows but I thought there would be a few hiccups here and there. Little did I know they would put a huge roadblock in that plan.

I went back to work for one day and then was at home with a teething fevered baby for the next 2 days. Then the weekend came and I worked almost all week except for one where one of my littles was sick. The rest of the month was pretty much the same, days off here and there for reasons that were beyond my control. I had no idea heading back to work would cause this much disruption in our day to day lives.

This got me to thinking, how in the world is this going to work where I’m not missing half a month just to take care of my kids. When will this cycle end? I don’t really know how to handle this situation as I’ve never been in it before, this is all new to me.

I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed as I don’t really know how my old life and my new one will fit together. Do I need to completely abandon my old life now that I have kids? I don’t think so but I think I need to make some adjustments. I want to try and keep some of my old life in my new one as that is the person that I am and honestly I don’t think that we’re meant to change 180 degrees when kids come. We make adjustments, we make arrangements, we make it work. And that’s what I’m going to try and do.

I want to try and find that balance between work and home life, try to be there for my kids, the Mister and myself. I suspect as time goes on it will be a lot of trial and error but I will get there. I am too determined of an individual not to, I will try everything before I give up.

For now, woe is me. I will try not to wallow in my self pity and try to think of ways to move ahead and find that balance. Once I do, I think all parties will be happy campers.

Back to Work

Back to Work

May 1, 2017

As I walked into the quiet and deserted office with my bags in tow and tea in my hand ready to tackle to day. I made my way to my office and stopped before I entered to have a look around to see what had changed in the time I was gone. It’s funny as I had only been gone for 15 months but it felt like an eternity.

I noticed that I had a large video screen in my office taking up space, a 34” monitor that just seemed too huge to be real and all my shoes had been piled into a box beside my desk. Turns out that one of our resident contractors had made residence in my office while I was off having babies. I didn’t mind one bit as I like the guy and he really hadn’t done too much to change anything. I put my laptop in it’s docking station and I thought a quick start up was going to happen but apparently the computer needed to complete oh about 100 updates. That left me with a little time to re-organize and clean up my office. It was nice to get there before everyone had arrived so that I could get settled and get everything how I wanted it.

It didn’t take long before people were arriving welcoming me back and have the idle chit chat that you have when someone has been away for awhile. It was nice to catch up with everyone and be back in the loop. I had so many questions about what I had missed, who’s gone, who’s still here, what projects are we working on, things like that. I wasn’t sure what I was going to be coming back to and how I was going to integrate myself back into ‘Working Mom’ mode but it seems to have been a good first day back.

I had some good conversations, good plans, decisions I needed to make and most of all I had some alone time to just be with not only my thoughts and ideas but also to have some complete and utter silence. I realized I missed that and despite me being a little nervous about being back to work it all turned out ok. I missed the adult conversation, I missed being able to talk and have someone listen to me and most of all I missed having a hot lunch.

Even though it’s a scary thing to return to work after 15 months away, I think I needed it for my littles but also for me. I was getting burnt out before I left and it was getting to be a little much. I got just the right amount of time off to make sure my littles were in good hands and ok with me leaving them all day. It’s something new to me but in time I know get all the kinks worked out and possibly get back to where I was before I left for work, or at least something close to what I was.

I spent most of my life working so I couldn’t imagine not going back. I enjoy the people, the time to myself and the responsibility of the job. I might not be able to do as good of a job as I did before but I sure as heck going to try. I never in a million years thought I would look forward to going to work but I do. I think for me to be a better mom for my boys I need that constant that has been in my life for well over 20 years. Like I said, I may not be the same person I was when I left but I’m going to try and be close to that same person as I can. I know things will be different and my time commitments aren’t going to be the same but I can work with what I have and see what I end up with. Fingers crossed work isn’t so hard to incorporate in my new life of motherhood.

We FINALLY made it!

We FINALLY Made it!

March 29, 2017

It has been an 11 year drought, year after year of promises of a new day and we have finally made it. The Edmonton Oilers have finally made the playoffs, as I live and breathe I can’t believe it.

What a roller coaster of emotions this city has had to endure for the past 11 years and finally our saviour Conner McDavid has come to make us rise up and become among the ranks to have playoff games. How funny that sounds typing that out as we are that excited about making the playoffs, we haven’t dared to dream past that.

This city is on fire and everywhere you look there are car flags, flags in store front windows, jersey’s on every second person and no one can keep any of the Oilers fan gear in stock. I lucked out and was able to grab us some car flags so we could also join in the fun. The Mister has even gone so far as welding a flag holder to the back of his truck. Seriously, the whole city has playoff fever and I have to say I’m loving every minute of it.

I have my littles dressed up in Oilers gear as much as I can as it’s a right of passage, I even went so far and bought them some infant Oilers jerseys. I will keep them for them and they can pass them down to their little ones when they grow up.

How far will we go in the playoffs, no one knows but to be able to cheer on our home team will be an amazing feeling. Let’s hope this is a tradition that continues.

Tinder

Tinder

March 9, 2017

I am just going through some old magazines and looked at a few articles that I had highlighted as interesting for a future read. I came across an article titled ‘tinder fomo’, it was in the April 2016 issue of Cosmopolitan. I re-read the article and once again just shook my head. The whole premise of the article was to reinforce that being on tinder is actually a good thing for people, single or coupled. I have to say I was a little disturbed at this article as it’s reasoning of why it’s a good reason to be on tinder is that it reinforces that you ‘still have it’ and are ‘f*ckable’. The article goes on to say that young people get instant pleasure from the screen or any technology for that matter. So they are basically saying that this generation of young people is using technology to not only get validation but also approval of everything that they do in their lives. This whole article makes me think back to a question that I had asked in an Organizational Behaviour class that I had taken in 2007-ish.

After discussing a lot of topics from employment to generational differences and everything in between. The instructor had said that “We are learning as much as we can about this younger generation”. I was honestly a bit surprised as I would’ve thought that we would want THEM to learn about US and previous generations so that they wouldn’t make the same mistakes that we’ve made. Even back then I was ticked off that these little self-righteous punks wanted us to learn about them…uh, I don’t think so. I’ve stood by that belief since I took the class and as time has gone on (holy 10 years), the researchers are now seeing that this generation of kids is pretty much useless. This previous statement I got from an article on CBC News. I have to say it was gratifying to hear something that I’ve known for quite some time. It just surprises me that it took so many others so long to see this.

Regardless of my opinion, the article that was in Cosmo solidifies that indeed we have a group of young people who get gratification from a screen and other forms of technology. This is a scary thing as it just reinforces that these young people lack self-esteem and confidence that is going to be needed throughout their whole lives if they want to succeed. This lack of social skills leads me to believe that they will be detached their whole lives and not understand what real communication is. They will continue to think that they need this validation and suicides and other mental health issues will be on the rise. There is a whole other conversation here about the strain on our health care system and suicides here but I’m not getting into that.

My point is that in my opinion, being on a dating site (in this case Tinder) is NOT ok when you are in a relationship. If you are committed to the person you are with, you shouldn’t want to go on these sites. It doesn’t matter if you’re not responding to the messages that you get or the likes…maybe these people should look into why they want and need this validation? Are they unhappy? Do they want something more? Do they need a pick me up (self-esteem)? Seriously people, look into the real issue instead of going online and making yourself feel happy/better or whatever the case may be. Once you discover that you may realize that being coupled and on a dating site isn’t a good combination. Seriously, why does this have to be explained to them? How do they NOT know this? Idiots!

They are one!

They are one!

March 1, 2017

I can’t believe a whole year has gone by and my babes are a year old, where has the time gone? I remember a lot of parents telling me to enjoy the first year as it seems to fly by and you don’t remember very much…well, I’m here to tell you that is 100% true.

We have come so far from that first day we brought them home, luckily with all the NICU time we had we felt very confident bringing them home. We went from completely helpless and totally dependent babes to walking, learning, growing independent babes. They are doing things that I remember daydreaming about when they were young. They comprehend so much that we tell them and they’re so attentive. It just amazes me to see the difference in not only them but us as well.

They have shown us how to be more patient, enjoy those little moments and how to survive on a little amount of sleep. LOL. I still don’t know how we’re functioning?!? The boys just continue to amaze us and surpass any expectations that we have for them. They have really become my little men and have grown so much in just one short year. I suspect that will be the case for the rest of their lives.

Their birthday is something that is not only so memorable but it’s something that I am still not 100% sure of how I want to celebrate. I think I may have it worked out but will have to see. Initially I wanted to celebrate for two days, seeing as I have two babies to celebrate. But this year when I went to celebrate on February 28^th, it felt a little surreal as last year at this time I still had the little monsters in my belly. I decided to celebrate on March 1^st instead as technically they were outside of my belly then, with their birthday being on leap year…it’s never easy having babies born on a day that technically only comes around every 4 years.

I know moving forward I will go ahead with my plan to celebrate on two days, February 28^th and March 1^st. I have decided that I will rotate who gets to celebrate on the two days so that they don’t come to expect that day as their birthday. I definitely need to make a calendar reminder about this so I don’t get mixed up. I think it will be something they will enjoy and it’s nice for everyone to have their own special day…despite them being twins.

Happy First Birthday my babies, I can’t wait to keep celebrating your special days.

Christmas 'Firsts' All Around

Christmas ‘Firsts’ All Around

December 25, 2016

Talk about ‘first time for everything’; this year was the boys first Christmas and our first Christmas as parents. How amazing is that? I wasn’t sure what to expect this year as honestly the time has just flown by and the boys aren’t quite old enough to appreciate Christmas.

I did put up a Christmas tree as I felt that it was very important that they have a tree for their first Christmas. It wasn’t as decorated as I normally go but it had enough decorations on it to suffice the holiday season. The boys were in awe of it, they didn’t really know what it was nor did they really bother with it too much. I was really happy with the latter of that statement as I didn’t want the 9’ tree to topple down on them. Don’t get me wrong they did go and investigate it and touch it a few times but didn’t have that much interest in playing with it. I was surprised but delighted to see that as that was one thing I didn’t have to worry about this year (next year could be a different story).

I got to hang their stockings ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ this year as well and was delighted to see them hanging there. I actually didn’t even hang up our stockings as I didn’t want to detract from their first Christmas.

As usual we didn’t go crazy for gifts as again I don’t feel that they could fully comprehend what Christmas was about and why we were even celebrating. We got them a few gifts to open Christmas morning and a few for ourselves and we were completely happy with that. We did the record them coming down the stairs and seeing their gifts under the tree as these are moments that we just won’t get back.

It’s funny as the first gifts they opened were the ones they played with the most. We got to hang out and enjoy our breakfast and just enjoy being with the boys. It was a nice and calm feeling. My brother came over to see them and give them their gifts, it was cute as they played with him and they didn’t even know that it was a special day. To them they continued to play and just go about their business, they got to see other family members and overall just had a good time. That is how Christmas should be spent, just hanging out with family and enjoying the day. I look forward to many more Christmases like this but as the boys get older the excitement will become more apparent but for now I think I will enjoy the family time each Christmas morning.

My First Family Christmas Ornament

My First Family Christmas Ornament

November 27, 2016

Today is the day that I got to buy my first family Christmas ornament, I use to watch other people buy them all the time and I use to think to myself ‘I’m gonna get one when I have a family’. Little did I know that buying one would be such an amazing feeling. It’s funny what one little gesture does to make you feel so great…I can’t get over how much I love it and how much I love what it represents.

It took my awhile to choose what design I wanted and what I wanted on it. You would think that I was picking out my wedding ring or something. But to me that’s how special it is, it’s something that I will treasure for the rest of my life. It will hang proudly on my tree until the end of time.

Once I decided on a design I had our names put on it and ‘First Family Christmas’. It was done and I absolutely loved it, I couldn’t wait to get it home to show the Mr. He loved it too and after I put it on the tree we just kind of stared at it in disbelief and awe. That simple little thing didn’t make us a family but it made our situation more real.

This will always be my favourite Christmas ornament and I will always put it right upfront, proud to show the world my family.