Happiness

I had the Chinese symbol meaning 'Happiness' tattooed on my leg b/c I believe that is what we should truly strive towards. I know that there are many things that get in the way of everyone's happiness but in the end it's all that really matters. It's funny because I've only had the tattoo for roughly 2 years but it feels like I've had it forever. I sometimes look at it and think back to when I got it; finding and keeping happiness was the most important thing to me then …and it still is. I just find it easier to cope with things if I'm happy; life doesn't seem so bleak. Things come together; people are nicer and it's just a better place, mentally for me to be. I wish that I could spread this already common knowledge; it could be a little bit of a reminder is all…..

How this is measured I guess depends on the individual; but for me it's a small reminder that I shouldn't take life so seriously and just be happy. Maybe things will be I want to say better; but maybe I should say different. Not different bad, but different good. Just some food for thought is all…

It’s that Time of Year Again…

It's that time of year again...where the trees get leaves on them, the birds start chirping and I get to pull out my softball glove. I always love this time of year; I get to open up my ball bag and see what treasures await me from last year. You would think with how long I've been playing that I would've mastered cleaning and disinfecting the ball bag each fall...but I don't! Sometimes in the winter if I get real sad about the snow or I start to think that summer is so far away I can unzip my ball bag and get a good whiff of the shale and dirt...and then I somehow come out of my funk.

Ever since I was old enough to catch my dad's windmill pitches I've been playing the sport; I love it! I've never looked forward to playing something so much that it takes over my thoughts. I found myself at the gym last week on the treadmill thinking about playing ball, little did I realize that I had run for 10 minutes straight! I mean talk about consume your thoughts...LOL.

I've never loved a sport so much that I actually still get flutterby's before every game. Yes, EVERY game!!! It's to the point where I must watch what I eat and drink beforehand so that I can make as little trips to the bathroom as possible. I think to myself "Is this what a Professional Athlete goes through before every game?"

I love the adrenaline pumping through my veins, my stomach in knots, the feeling that I get when a ball is well hit. The feeling I get when I can round third and take my time trotting home. And I really do mean trotting, as I run flat footed and that my friends is a sign of a slow runner. LOL The reason I know that is because a guy named Brent (who I used to play ball with) would purposely bat after me so that he could chase me around the bases and yell "Run on your toes!" I think that was the one and only year I actually ran fast! LOL

That was the year that I played for a team called the Allstar Sports and we won every game that we played...all year. A feat that had never been accomplished by anybody, 33 regular season games and we won them all. Then we went on to win all of our playoff games! The last being the most dramatic (Of course!) game I've ever played in my life! There were 2 out and we were down by one run (Did I mention it was our last at bat), and a lady who usually gets out was up to bat and got on base. Then her husband comes up to bat and gets an in the park homerun! (Talk about a Dream ending!) We were all waiting at the plate when he crossed it as we knew we had won. 

We started jumping up and down and couldn't contain our happiness any longer; think Circa Toronto Blue Jays 1993. One of the best times in my life...despite it NOT being front page news for my hometown it was still a victory that no one will ever be able to take away from us.

So here's to another year of sliding into second base, snagging that line drive, catching that incredibly high fly ball and hitting that first homerun of the year.

Here's to not just the commeroderity, but to a sport that I truly love.

Ontario

As I sit here listening to one of my favourite Canadian bands, Blue Rodeo. I think back to my cottage days in Ontario. Oh how I miss those days, I miss listening to the loons on the water, I miss listening to the crickets buzz all night, I miss being able to sit outside and watch the sunset in that breathtaking orange sky! I miss the humidity, I miss the lakes, so deep, so refreshing, so clear. I miss the fishing, b/c honestly how many times can a person go fishing for pike?? I mean really people?? I miss my dad's farm, I miss my grandparent's farm, I miss my grandparents! I miss how I felt no aches or pains, I miss the wildlife...I miss going camping the May 2-4 weekend and going swimming no matter how cold the water is. I miss people knowing what I mean when I say 2-4. I miss the fun times that I had there with so many people whether they were locals or not. I miss the quaintness of the town, I miss the population of only 3400 (it's gone up a whole 1000 people since I was last there!) I miss the maple syrup gathering, I miss the pony pulls that we use to go and watch my grandfather at, I miss the 4 wheeling, I miss the ski-dooing, I miss the dirt biking. I miss knowing the cops and having them let you off because you play ball with them. I miss the hellos from everybody you passed in town because chances are you were either related or they were friends of the family. I miss how people use to call me by my last name, I miss how people use to refer to me as Tanya Parks. I especially miss playing ball, the people, the games, the commroderity. I miss it all.

But I will tell ya something I don't miss...the Blackflies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To Eat or Not to Eat, that is the question.

It all started on Ash Wednesday, February 21, 2007…the day that Lent in the Catholic religion starts. Here is a quote giving a brief explanation of what it is…..

Lent is a season of soul-searching and repentance. It is a season for reflection and taking stock. Lent originated in the very earliest days of the Church as a preparatory time for Easter, when the faithful rededicated themselves and when converts were instructed in the faith and prepared for baptism. By observing the forty days of Lent, the individual Christian imitates Jesus' withdrawal into the wilderness for forty days. All churches that have a continuous history extending before AD 1500 observe Lent.

Did I mention to next quote???

Because Sunday is the day of the Resurrection, we skip over Sundays when we calculate the length of Lent.

Therefore making it 47 days long! 7 days longer than I had originally signed up for! But seeing as Jesus gave his life for us, sacrificing the extra 7 days didn't seem like too much to ask. The first couple of weeks was hard as I was use to having oh lets say for arguments sake 3-4 bowls (I'm talking REAL people size bowls!) of popcorn a week. To have to cut this out completely was a challenge but one that was not as hard as I had originally thought. Instead of filling my cupboards with chips and popcorn; they were filled with rice cakes and my new favourite crackers…Triscuit, the Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil ones!

I must admit that I did notice a difference in not only my skin but in my all over wellness. I had more energy, didn't eat so much salt and butter and I even think my arteries were secretly thanking me. With my new chip and popcorn-free life I started to want to work out more, I even enjoyed water. Hmm, all this from no popcorn and chips; who knew?

As the days started to wear on, I was having the normal cravings…watching bystanders walking by eating their personal sized bags of chips. I was envious! I wondered why I couldn't just have one little chip, I mean it wouldn't hurt anyone??? Despite the cravings I toughed it out and waited…and waited…and waited!

Easter Sunday couldn't come quick enough! I had my whole days worth of meals all planned out; I can tell you that a Weight Watchers drop out would've been so proud of me! I would have a popcorn breakfast, compiled of 'Buttery' and 'Cheddar' popcorn; Lunch would consist of Chips; many different flavours…maybe 5 or 6 personalized bags…and then there was Supper, of course that would be Nachos! Well really just lots of shredded cheese with nacho chips underneath. Meals fit for a King…artery clogging and not nutritious! The countdown was on…

Prior to Easter Sunday, we'd made all the necessary stops at all the appropriate stores, acquiring all the necessities…chips, popcorn, cheese! The morning finally arrived and I did indeed grab a few chips but was surprised by the insistence from my body that I wanted toast, with honey NOT chips! After satisfying my pallet I decided it was time to dig in…unfortunately I couldn't get into the "mood". I forced a few chips down, even trying to mask the dissatisfaction of the flavours with some sour cream. To my surprise they tasted ok, not as spectacular as I had remembered. Something seemed amiss I continually grazed on the bag of chips all day but didn't find the satisfaction that I was yearning for! At this point I found it cumbersome and just decided to not bother; I would go home and enjoy a bowl of popcorn later tonight…that would definitely satisfy me.

I arrived home with my box of popcorn in hand; eager to open the package, pop it in the microwave and enjoy the flavours melding in my mouth. I was almost salivating at the thought; I believe I even watched it pop. The aroma that wafted through the house was pleasant; I welcomed it like a long lost friend. As the timer on the microwave counted down I prepared the usual bowl, grabbed the seasoning salt and waited…

After the seasoning salt and the forbidden food hot in my hands; I was ready! Ready to dive into the meticulously popped and seasoned popcorn; that I had waited 47 days for!!! The first piece went in like nothing had changed; I felt it melt in my mouth, the flavours that I had deprived myself of for so long were "just ok"; not phenomenal, not amazing, not even missed. Something had changed! My rhythm was gone; I'd dropped pieces on the floor, the couch, even a few down my shirt…a feat that I only saved for the movie theatre; so that when I got undressed after the movie I had a little treat just before bed! I couldn't quite place it; it felt like an out of body experience??? Why was something that was second nature to me, so foreign? I thought maybe something wasn't right so I attempted to give it the old college try and continue eating…maybe I could get my rhythm back. After polishing the bowl for popcorn off; I couldn't help but feel…well…ill! The film that the popcorn had left on my teeth, the popcorn skin stuck between my teeth, the heaviness of my belly! Something that my body was NOT accustomed to and definitely NOT enjoying!

I found that consuming about 10 gallons of water, I started to feel a bit better. I couldn't believe how much water I needed to get myself back to where I was just a short 20 minutes ago. I did not like this ill feeling, I did not seem to have the same fondness of my "comfort" food that I once had. What was wrong? Maybe the 47 days without it really did help; maybe I don't need it as much as I had originally thought...who knows??? All I know is that I am allowed to eat chips and popcorn and honestly I'm not sure that I want them??

We'll see what happens; but knowing that I have the option makes it easier to pass by the chip table at parties…who knows maybe I'll start eating more veggies! 

How Odd??

I find it funny that my last post was about high school memories; which by the way I never think back and reminisce about and this past weekend I was recently introduced to a website called 'Facebook' and I must say I was pretty egg-cited to find that there was a site dedicated to my old school and a lot of my old school mates. What are the chances?? I write one blog about high school memories and within a week I'm transported back to actually be able to contact these people...

It seems that there is this constant need to find people; whether it's someone that you went to school with, an old best friend or just someone that you lost contact with. I've been rekindling relationships with people that I knew back in high school; I wonder what they do. I wonder if they're married. I wonder if they have kids. I wonder if they'll judge me b/c I don't have any of the above? Is this normal? It's kind of like being back in high school again, wondering if they'll accept me for what I've accomplished and where I am today? How weird that I'm taken back to all those familiar feelings that I had in high school; I wonder if they have them too?

I chatted it up with a friend who reminded me of a few of the escapades that I did and honestly I don't know if I just forgot them or if I suppressed them all these years! LOL I'm hoping that it was just a memory lapse; as I feel like I somewhat moved out of my home town and just left it all behind. 

I didn't keep in contact with anyone, not even family; is this normal? Maybe there is a part of me that doesn't want to remember as it wasn't so pleasant. I know that every kid has bad memories from high school and probably wishes that they could do it all over again; but really would you want to? I mean just getting back in touch with these people has caused me to wonder just how much of my life that I want to share with them. It's almost and uneasy feeling and I don't know why as the people that I have had contact with are NOT judgemental and just the nicest people you'll ever meet! 

I can't explain it but the uneasiness is there; maybe it's just nerves as I know that there are some unresolved issues that may present themselves and I'm not sure of the consequences. But we'll see and as for where this takes me…I hope it's down memory lane, and I hope that they are all good!

Brought Back to a Time When…

After watching an hour of Much Music's 'Back in' I was lead down a path of memories. Brought back to life by such things as wearing overalls with one strap done up, Madonna's 'Vogue', Parachute Pants, Pretty Woman and even AC/DC's Thunderstruck! I sat there in awe of just a decade ago; where our thoughts were as fleeting as the fashions. I couldn't believe how much has changed in such a short period of time.

A short clip of Dances with Wolves came on TV and I was instantly taken back to a field trip in High School. Being from a small town where there was no movie theatre...can you imagine??

I remember being in awe of such a place that had to bus it's students an hour and a half away to watch a movie. The conversations that ensued on the bus were enlightening to say the least! I can't pinpoint exactly what was said; but I'm sure it had something to do with Bill liking Patti or something along those lines...

I miss those carefree days of just talking about well...Nothing! I mean looking back, it was nothing but at the time 'Boy was it something'. Not having to care about a mortgage or responsibility; our biggest concern was who would be asking us to the dance or had we made the cut for the volleyball team. Things that seem so miniscule now was the world back then; how funny it is to think of the stunts we pulled...

Remembering the dances, the parties, the drinking...UGH the drinking! The stupid things that made us happy and who we are today; I can't help but think back and be overcome with joy...

I can't say that I would go back and re-live some of those moments but I will say that they were good times and I just hope that when you hear Milli Vanelli's 'Blame it on the Rain' you'll think of your younger days with a smile...just as I have!

Serendipity?

Do you ever wonder if some things were serendipitous? On our way back from the lake tonight the boyfriend and I found ourselves in a deep conversation about our past lives...I know; who knew we had past lives?? LOL

We were driving by the West End of the city where I use to live and I just found out that the boyfriend lived down the road from me. I always knew his parents lived down the road from me but I was unaware that he actually resided there as well. After the initial shock I finally realized that we must've crossed paths before! He told me that he use to walk their dog (Cleo) in the very same neighbourhood that I too use to take long walks in. I find it very odd that not only did we use to live in same neighbourhood but we went to the same grocery store; we had the same bank and we both knew of the 'Look' family. But yet we were set up by his cousin's wife; who in reality is no relation to either one of us! Such an odd coincidence???? OR Serendipity???

Either way I'm happy and love knowing that our paths have crossed before and that yet despite all that's happened we still found each other...with the help of Eilish of course!