It Could Happen to You

I couldn't believe it happened to me! I never in a million years thought that it would happen. My friends wouldn't believe it if you told them too. But here I sit recollecting what I still can't believe happened...

The boyfriend and I had to stop at Home Depot and "get a few things". Every woman knows that that means; every woman that is but me. I've never fallen into the category of 'being bored' at a home building centre. There is something to be said for the smell of the freshly cut wood, the sound of the saw buzzing and the clinging of the hardware falling to the ground.

I am usually in tow of a mighty long list of items that "I need" there; whether it be a paint brush or a drill. Personally I love building centre type stores; they fascinate me with all the ornate items they carry. I always seem to find what I need there, with or without the assistance of the yet to be seen 'Sales Associates'.

Yet here I was today at a loss; I had no projects on the go, nothing to build, nothing to paint. How could I come into such a glorious place and NOT have something to buy? How could I not think of anything to buy? I dug my heels in and thought really hard of what "I needed"; with no avail I knew I was beaten. With no projects on the go; I really had no purpose to be there...like a tit on a bull.

What to do now?? I pushed the cart for the boyfriend, loaded some OSB, some patio blocks and carried the load as best I could. I had to be helpful, I had to feel important...but there it was...staring me straight in the face...

W-A-I-T-I-N-G for the boyfriend! Ugh!!! I had no more aces up my sleeve; I had to give in, I had no choice. So I did what most women in Home Depot do...I read a magazine. Yep, I never in a million years thought this day would come; but yet here I am feeling the pain of being a Home Depot Widow.

Land

There it sits; so baron, so interrupted, so disjointed…a piece of property where I played one of my first ball games at what use to be just outside of the city. Just 3 short years ago it was someone's residence; someone's farm, someone's home. The typical farm house with the long driveway, the garage out back and a canola field for a back yard; how could this have changed in 3 years?

I remember driving out there and chuckling to myself at how it reminded me of home. How a team mate hit a foul ball out in the field and all of us having to stop the game to go looking in the field for the lost ball. The scar on my knee is still there from having to crawl through the barbed wire fence; it feels like a lifetime ago and yet here we are…only a mere three years later.

The house is gone, the canola field is gone and the memories are gone. How sad it must've been for the family to have to watch their lives being torn down by a piece of machinery. What was once a nice tranquil farm just outside of the city is now a new sub-division in the city; how quickly one forgets that a family lived out there; raised their family out there and now it's nothing but a new development.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I'm opposed to new development; I just think that there is something to be said for a nice chunk of land being inhabited with a growing family; who of course would have a dog, a garage out back and a view of undisturbed farm land…the way it use to be…

There it was...

There it was, staring back at me...almost mocking me...a stack of cheques with my old address on it. Just sitting on the bottom of my filing cabinet; looking quite pristine with the Oilers logo on it. I picked them up and looked at them, thinking back to when I ordered them, a time when I wasn't sure what I wanted in life. A time when I thought the address on the cheques was going to be forever. A time when I thought I was happy, a time when I decided that "stuff" was going to fill my life, but there just wasn't enough "stuff" to satisfy my palette. How silly to think that "stuff" could make you happy; yet here I am three years down the road and I tell ya I still have a lot of "stuff"; but not just any "stuff"...

My list of "stuff" contains the love and support of my family, my boyfriend, my boyfriend's family, our friends and our two dogs. These are the things that keep me going day in and day out. This is all the "stuff" I need.

The twinge of sadness that came over me was brief; because here I am in my new place with my new "stuff" and I love it.

So what did I do with those cheques you ask??? I did the same thing any woman would do...I took a black marker to the address and used the cheques. Because it doesn't matter where you live; it's how you decide to live it.

Time

Time, the one thing that no one can seem to get a hold of. The one thing in life that there never is enough of, it eludes us, entices us, bores us. Yet we are always at odds with it. How can something so insignificant dictate our lives? Others would beg to differ that time is very significant and plays a vital role in our day to day lives. Yet no one had mastered how to maintain it...

I sit here after my softball game looking at the dust that has accumulated on my desk and think..."If only I had time to clean it..." We are constantly telling ourselves if only we had the time, we would [Fill in appropriate comment here] When will we ever find the time to do what we want and need to get done. I am constantely saying I would do so much more if I had more time; is that a good thing...I don't know??

The more time that I want, the less I seem to have. How much time is enough? This question can be used in many contexts..."How much time do you need to get over a loved one?"; "How much time do you need to get that project done?"; "How much time do you need to go shopping?"..."How much time indeed?"

With our society becoming so fast paced and everything being so convenient; how is it that there isn't enough time? I buy fast food, I buy stuff online, shouldn't that constitute for something? Why can't I ever get enough time?

I am jealous of the people who tell me that they are bored and don't have anything to do; why can't I be like that? Why do I need so much more time than them? Am I being stingy with my time? Do I need to justify why it is that I need this extra time? I don't have kids, I don't have pets that live at my house...why do I need the extra time? I really don't know but I feel that I should get it...LOL

Happiness

I had the Chinese symbol meaning 'Happiness' tattooed on my leg b/c I believe that is what we should truly strive towards. I know that there are many things that get in the way of everyone's happiness but in the end it's all that really matters. It's funny because I've only had the tattoo for roughly 2 years but it feels like I've had it forever. I sometimes look at it and think back to when I got it; finding and keeping happiness was the most important thing to me then …and it still is. I just find it easier to cope with things if I'm happy; life doesn't seem so bleak. Things come together; people are nicer and it's just a better place, mentally for me to be. I wish that I could spread this already common knowledge; it could be a little bit of a reminder is all…..

How this is measured I guess depends on the individual; but for me it's a small reminder that I shouldn't take life so seriously and just be happy. Maybe things will be I want to say better; but maybe I should say different. Not different bad, but different good. Just some food for thought is all…

It’s that Time of Year Again…

It's that time of year again...where the trees get leaves on them, the birds start chirping and I get to pull out my softball glove. I always love this time of year; I get to open up my ball bag and see what treasures await me from last year. You would think with how long I've been playing that I would've mastered cleaning and disinfecting the ball bag each fall...but I don't! Sometimes in the winter if I get real sad about the snow or I start to think that summer is so far away I can unzip my ball bag and get a good whiff of the shale and dirt...and then I somehow come out of my funk.

Ever since I was old enough to catch my dad's windmill pitches I've been playing the sport; I love it! I've never looked forward to playing something so much that it takes over my thoughts. I found myself at the gym last week on the treadmill thinking about playing ball, little did I realize that I had run for 10 minutes straight! I mean talk about consume your thoughts...LOL.

I've never loved a sport so much that I actually still get flutterby's before every game. Yes, EVERY game!!! It's to the point where I must watch what I eat and drink beforehand so that I can make as little trips to the bathroom as possible. I think to myself "Is this what a Professional Athlete goes through before every game?"

I love the adrenaline pumping through my veins, my stomach in knots, the feeling that I get when a ball is well hit. The feeling I get when I can round third and take my time trotting home. And I really do mean trotting, as I run flat footed and that my friends is a sign of a slow runner. LOL The reason I know that is because a guy named Brent (who I used to play ball with) would purposely bat after me so that he could chase me around the bases and yell "Run on your toes!" I think that was the one and only year I actually ran fast! LOL

That was the year that I played for a team called the Allstar Sports and we won every game that we played...all year. A feat that had never been accomplished by anybody, 33 regular season games and we won them all. Then we went on to win all of our playoff games! The last being the most dramatic (Of course!) game I've ever played in my life! There were 2 out and we were down by one run (Did I mention it was our last at bat), and a lady who usually gets out was up to bat and got on base. Then her husband comes up to bat and gets an in the park homerun! (Talk about a Dream ending!) We were all waiting at the plate when he crossed it as we knew we had won. 

We started jumping up and down and couldn't contain our happiness any longer; think Circa Toronto Blue Jays 1993. One of the best times in my life...despite it NOT being front page news for my hometown it was still a victory that no one will ever be able to take away from us.

So here's to another year of sliding into second base, snagging that line drive, catching that incredibly high fly ball and hitting that first homerun of the year.

Here's to not just the commeroderity, but to a sport that I truly love.

Ontario

As I sit here listening to one of my favourite Canadian bands, Blue Rodeo. I think back to my cottage days in Ontario. Oh how I miss those days, I miss listening to the loons on the water, I miss listening to the crickets buzz all night, I miss being able to sit outside and watch the sunset in that breathtaking orange sky! I miss the humidity, I miss the lakes, so deep, so refreshing, so clear. I miss the fishing, b/c honestly how many times can a person go fishing for pike?? I mean really people?? I miss my dad's farm, I miss my grandparent's farm, I miss my grandparents! I miss how I felt no aches or pains, I miss the wildlife...I miss going camping the May 2-4 weekend and going swimming no matter how cold the water is. I miss people knowing what I mean when I say 2-4. I miss the fun times that I had there with so many people whether they were locals or not. I miss the quaintness of the town, I miss the population of only 3400 (it's gone up a whole 1000 people since I was last there!) I miss the maple syrup gathering, I miss the pony pulls that we use to go and watch my grandfather at, I miss the 4 wheeling, I miss the ski-dooing, I miss the dirt biking. I miss knowing the cops and having them let you off because you play ball with them. I miss the hellos from everybody you passed in town because chances are you were either related or they were friends of the family. I miss how people use to call me by my last name, I miss how people use to refer to me as Tanya Parks. I especially miss playing ball, the people, the games, the commroderity. I miss it all.

But I will tell ya something I don't miss...the Blackflies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!