Wish
I would’ve captured more
September 23, 2016
I found out last week that a friend of ours is
expecting and a pang of guilt ran through me quicker than I could say my own
name. It’s not because I wanted to be pregnant again or anything like that, it
was because when I was pregnant I didn’t capture that chapter in my life as
well as I wished that I had. I don’t have as many pictures of me pregnant and I
have huge regrets over that.
The one time in a woman’s life when she doesn’t want to
take pictures is one of the most special times in her life and it should be
documented. I wished I would’ve had someone tell me this and even though the
last thing I want to do is to take pictures of myself because I feel like a
whale, I really should. In my case it’s a little harder of a pill to swallow as
this will more than likely be my only pregnancy. I had my children when I was
older, I didn’t find the right person until then so I decided to have kids
then. We were so very fortunate as we had gotten pregnant early on and it was
twins. I knew it was going to be my only pregnancy but I didn’t think to
document it.
I think part of the reason I didn’t was because I was
feeling at my worst as I was continually getting larger and larger. My whole
life as a woman, I was always concious of my weight and to feel like I was
letting myself go…made it hard to want to document. Also I had unfortunately
gotten pregnant at the same time those stupid Duggar girls were pregnant. I was
sick and tired of seeing their faces everywhere and was feeling overwhelmed
with all of their coverage on their pregnancies on social media and let’s not
forget that all pregnant women, no matter how happy you are get grumpy. Your body
changes and you feel like crap, things that use to be easy to do you find
cumbersome and annoying. Overall, it’s not a super pleasant thing for any
woman…and that overshadows all the other good stuff, which I wish I would’ve
documented.
Sadly even the maternity shoot that I had booked was
cancelled as the weather was terrible and the boys decided to come early. So I
don’t really have that many pregnant pictures of myself and wish that I had
taken more. I ask myself all the time, why didn’t I at least take the pictures
of the weeks that I was pregnant. You know those typical belly shots…I want to
see those and wish I wasn’t so darn stubborn and had those memories. Now I have
to rely on my mind and we all know those images will get lost somewhere in
there and be forgotten forever. Whatever the case may be, I tell all my
pregnant friends who tell me their expecting to make sure and take the pictures
along the way. You might not feel like you want to take the pictures but you
really should as you won’t regret it looking back on it. It’s a chore yes but
just do it for your sanity, trust me I live with that regret everyday and will
continue to for the rest of my years.
I don’t know how I will ever get over it but maybe one
day I will. Until then, I will continue to suffer in silence and just pretend
that it doesn’t bother me.
