My
Year of Freedom
January 5, 2015
It has been quite some time since I sat down and wrote
a blog post…I am sitting here thinking about the year that has come to pass and
the year that is yet to come. My mom is first and foremost on my mind and I’m
blown away at how quickly the time has passed without her. The one year
anniversary is coming up and I have to say I miss her more than ever.
She was a huge part of my everyday life, I struggled
when she first passed away as I didn’t know what to do with my time. Stopping
by to see and feed her was a part of my daily routine, The first couple of
weeks…I would leave work and then have to conscientiously remember that she
wasn’t there for me to see. I had to go home and wonder what I was suppose to
do if I wasn’t with her. I would go through her stuff and see what she had
stored away in the boxes that I had packed. I would pull some things out to
smell them to see if her scent was still on them. Sometimes I would laugh and
sometimes I would cry; depended on the day.
As time went on, I realized that she wouldn’t want me
moping around and I decided to throw myself into whatever it was I was going to
do. I played a lot of slo-pitch this year, I also re-organized my house, got
all my landscaping done and basically enjoyed my time to myself. I had
forgotten what it was like to have control of my own time and to come and go as
I pleased. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret any minute that I spent with her,
because I don’t. It was just a freeing feeling that I hadn’t felt in quite some
time as I had been taking care of my mom for the past 6 years.
I also was able to take some time to take care of
myself and to re-group; see where the next chapter was going to take me. I kind
of just rode the self care train and am still enjoying that ride. It doesn’t
make me miss my mom any less, just keeps my time occupied. Once things settled
down and I got a little more use to my life without her…I wondered how I ever
got anything done. I had such a small amount of time for myself, how did I
manage to get anything done? Well, I am chalking it up to the old adage of ‘If
you want something done, give it to a busy person”.
Now that I have the extra time on my hands, I find
myself taking just a little bit longer to get it done. I’m not so rushed and
know that it doesn’t have to be done this exact minute. I can afford myself the
luxury of a little bit more time.
This past year without my mom has been hard but as time
as gone on…it’s been a little easier. IU got lots done and am more aware of the
time I need as well. I don’t know what the next year will have in store for me
but I think I can handle whatever it throws my way.
