It's been exactly a
month today that it happened. The morning I got the frantic phone call from my
boyfriend, telling me that his Aunt had killed herself. Shock, horror,
disbelief was all that I was feeling. I couldn't believe this was happening,
this just seemed a little too Alfred Hitchcock for me.
After the initial
shock work off, I couldn't stop asking myself how this could happen. Don't get
me wrong I am not a sheltered person and understand most things in life, but
for the life of me I couldn't grasp this one. I had known about her depression
as did the rest of the family. The thing we didn't know was how to help her
through her bouts. How do you help someone when you don't understand what they
are going through?
We had no idea she
was that bad, bad enough to sink to the depths of taking her own life. It
breaks my heart to think that she was feeling that bad, no one should ever feel
that way. I mean I've lost loves before and felt bad, I've lost people in my
life before and felt bad. There were days that I didn't want to get out of bed
because I was that sad, but that's as bad as I got. So I couldn't even fathom
how depressed she was to come to the realization that taking her own life was
the only way out. It really does rattle me to the core to think this because I
don't think anyone should ever feel this way. But because this is a disease
that no one really understands, we can't stop it.
Initially I was quite
upset, actually down right mad. But then I went to her service and realized
that she was a victim of disease. It's a terrible thing, I thought long and
hard if there was anything that I could've done to help her battle this demon
that she lived so long with. But came up empty handed, because I realized no
matter how hard we try we can only lead a horse to water, but we can't make
them drink.
